#yeah the first time i heard this song was at my primary school graduation...

[rhys-ravenfeather]

Today on : ‘Songs That Definitely Gave 2000s Tweens the Feels’...

[whyamistillwatchingtheseshows]

Some 2gether meta for you: 

Does anyone know if the 2gether novel mentions anything about Tine and Type’s parents? My mind keeps thinking about how I certainly believe that Type became Tine’s guardian, but not at a very young age. Perhaps 16-17, just that last year of high school for Tine, which for me, is a great way to explain Tine’s escape into Scrubb. Big brother listened to them for the same reason, or just casually, but then little brother is like whoa! I need this. So emotionally he latches onto the band and their music. Most of the songs are of course love songs or what I like to call concept songs because obviously Tine and Sarawat learn the impact of the band’s music when they find each other. It’s just that scene in the show when Tine is practicing so very hard to perform for Sarawat and he’s hurting his fingers on the guitar string so Wat proceeds to bandage him...Tine says, “no one has ever plastered me like this before.” 

Now, two ways to interpret that come to mind. One, it’s completely romantic for Tine and the first time someone he feels about romantically (though they are not official yet) is doing this for him. Two, he lost a primary caregiver (in this case both parents) and maybe there’s also inner turmoil, because their parents may have not been present as much as they’d like even prior to their death (still it’s their parents so both Tine and Type feel sad and broken about it). Choosing to think about the latter option helps me understand Tine’s character actually. He’s so GIVING, because everyone else had been TAKING from him since his parent’s death (something TAKEN as well), therefore he tries to make up for that by becoming the PLEASING person...the person who can barely say no and in Tine’s case that happened in the few romantic relationships he had before university, before Sarawat. 

For me, there’s something interesting in the way Type hovers in Tine’s life. If he only had to take care of him that last year of high school, it really wasn’t much needed to be done? Correct? It’s checking in, making sure he’s going to classes, maybe even comforting him a few times because of heartbreak, etc etc. By the time Tine’s plans for uni are set in motion, Type is doing his internship and will graduate soon. He’s hyperfocused on that and like Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian who never reconciled or PROPERLY GRIEVED, Tine and Type don't think they need each other. Tine is 18 going to university, what’s the need for big brother? Little does he know Type is often checking his Instagram and is about ready to throw down if he hears anyone is hurting him. Also, he feels really guilty about the fact his little brother cannot tell him, so yeah, I got close to this one person and I’m moving in with him. Then of course that one person attacks him on social media like a jealous pot and Type goes...oh...I see. Knock knock. 

Type and Tine also have the polar opposite of Sam and Dean Winchester’s relationship. Think about it, they could’ve been extremely co-dependent on one another but instead, they kept an arm’s length relationship and I think that’s because Type didn’t have to FULLY become Tine’s PARENT/GUARDIAN like Dean had to for Sam. I am investing WAY TOO MUCH META in a silly BL show, but it’s been nagging at me. Why did Tine burrow himself into Scrubb’s music? Why was Type still grieving and/or in denial while he attempts to ease those emotions by going to meditation retreats? Why didn’t he take his brother? Well, his little brother must’ve been doing okay at uni with classes and cheer leading on the side. Everything seemed relatively HAPPY in Tine’s life, so Type couldn’t mess with that by being selfish and sad. Hence, Type decided to be in that alone. Of course, there’s the option that this has nothing to do with their parents and Type was actually overcoming a recent romantic heartbreak, which is one reason why he appears so standoffish to Man. Headcanon that Tine was a little rebellious when he was middle school age and his parent were constantly tired of his shenanigans. Type was the goody two-shoes when he had is parents around, wasn’t as aggressive as we see in his older age, but when he loses those parents his attitude changes. He closes off, lashes out aggressively especially when someone like Man is being overt in flirting and/or emotionally vulnerable in general. 

Again, I’m investing WAY TOO much in a silly little drama that is not a concocted story for several seasons like Supernatural. Though, I don't see how you can’t get a solid story out of one season if you do it right. Like one-shot fan fiction right? Of course, the show decided to take a few different routes than the novel, which is odd to me. The novel, I hear, did have Sarawat telling Tine all about Pam. There was no dramatic use of her as an obstacle between the two boys. Good on the novel, except I also heard that Sarawat is raging (supposedly non-consent) asshole in the novel, so thank you to Bright and the show deciding THAT would be excluded. It’s just I keep coming back to this question: WHERE THE HECKS ARE TINE and TYPE’S PARENTS? The only viable conclusion is that they are dead or else if they’re alive then they are the most neglecting parents in a BL series because no child while being bandaged should seriously say: “No one has ever ‘plastered’ me like this before.”

[shesclearlya3]

Grow As We Go

pairing: Xavier Plympton x Reader

word count: 3,538

warnings: au! in present time, mentions of drug use, overdose, angst, fluffy at times, no camp rw

disclaimer: i am in no way shape or form using the topic of addiction lightly or willingly romanticizing it. the use of heroin is a major problem in my state and my family has personally been affected by it. i lost family to this horrible epidemic and this has been a coping mechanism for me as i was too young to understand the gravity of the situation my family was under at the time it happened seven years ago. i also am not tagging due to possible triggers. 

*not entirely proof-read* *inspired by Ben Platt’s song*

You sat on the couch in your shared apartment, waiting for your boyfriend, Xavier, to come home.

It was a Friday night, and like most Friday's, you were supposed to watch movies with him and eat a ridiculous amount of takeout. You had rushed home from work, taking a shower and making sure you shaved your legs for specific events you knew would be happening later that night.

A box of pizza sat on the coffee table, now growing cold. Everything was set up, the television on Netflix, multiple blankets piled up next to you, and you wearing your soft pajamas and fuzzy socks. Xavier was supposed to be home from work nearly two hours ago. He had finally landed a small role on a beloved show, and his excitement about it was the cutest thing you'd ever seen. An eight-hour shoot soon turned into ten.

At least that's what you hoped.

You had sent him a ridiculous amount of texts and voicemails, your voice growing more and more concerned with each one. You went as far as to text your mutual friends, Montana, Brooke, Ray, and Chet, to see if they had heard from them. Nobody had heard anything, but the girls assured you they'd try and contact him in some way.

This wasn't like him, not showing up and ignoring your messages, you thought as you turned off the random episode of your favorite show you started playing. The characters made you feel less lonely. You stood up, slowly pacing the room as you debated on what to do.

Is it too early to file a missing person's report?

"Don't be stupid, y/n," you grumbled to yourself. "Xavier said he can't have his phone while filming."

Another hour had passed by. You had put the untouched pizza in the refrigerator, before going into your bedroom and taking one of Xavier's jackets. You slipped it on, inhaling his scent and feeling more at ease.

Your thoughts only became darker as the time ticked by. You lived in Los Angeles, anything could have happened if he wasn't at work. You had no idea how to call a studio and ask for an actor; for all they knew, you could be a creepy stalker. Your hands were shaking as you stuffed them into the pockets.

One thing that always lingered in the back of your mind was Xavier's past.

When you met him, it was just out of high school. Montana was your best friend for years, and she introduced the two of you just weeks after graduation. They had a little fling, nothing too serious. He was older than you by a year, and you instantly took a liking to him.

The first few times you had hung out, you never thought you'd one day become Xavier's girlfriend. First, it would be against girl code. Second, even though he was with Montana for a short period, he had the mindset of being unable to be tied down.

However, it didn't take long for you to uncover the truth.

Xavier Plympton was a softie hiding behind a facade. He always claimed he didn't need a girlfriend, and all he needed and could rely on was nobody other than himself. His arrogant demeanor attracted girls for the wrong reasons. If they wanted a true rebellious bad boy, they wouldn't find it with Xavier.

Just months after Montana moved on with a guy named Trevor, Xavier had shown up at your doorstep. One of the few times it actually rained in Los Angeles, his car had broken down, and you were the closest apartment to him. His blond hair was matted to his forehead as he smiled at you sheepishly.

"Xavier?" You frowned, pulling your blanket from your shoulders to pull him into your apartment. "Why are you soaking wet?"

"My fucking car broke down, and I got cold," he pouted as you locked the door. "I called for help, and the storm has them backed up, it's like a hurricane out there."

"You need to get out of those clothes, Xavier," you said as you led him to your small bathroom. "How long did they say?"

"I don't know, just a few hours?" Xavier shrugged.

"Why didn't you call me? I would have picked you up."

"Yeah..." Xavier grimaced, pulling his cracked iPhone out of his pocket. "I had another little accident."

You huffed a laugh, grabbing a clean towel and setting it on the counter. "What did you do?"

"I tripped and fell, it landed in a puddle, and now it won't turn on, this piece of shit," Xavier mumbled.

"Take a shower, I'll wash your clothes. When you're done, you still have clothes here from the last time you invaded my home." You joked, averting your eyes as Xavier slipped off his drenched shirt.

"I was drunk, and friends don't let friends drive drunk, y/n," he smirked at you. He had already started unbuttoning his expensive jeans when you slammed the door in his face.

When he was done, he came out and lounged with you on the couch. The same one that was now in your new apartment. You forced him to watch Heathers and yelled at him whenever he put his cold feet against your warm body.

Xavier used your phone to call about his car, and they said he'd have to come to look at it in the morning. He smiled at you as you rolled your eyes, granting him permission to sleepover, and you'd drop him off. This is what started your movie marathon traditions. And it's when Xavier kissed you for the first time.

Ever since then, it was like a poorly written romance novel.

You started dating after Montana assured you she wouldn't hate your guts. At the time, Xavier was taking acting classes, making money on the side doing mediocre jobs. You were just months short of getting your degree, and your current job as your primary source of income when you eventually moved in together.

Xavier slowly booked more and more roles over the years. He refused all commercial gigs until his agent eventually stopped offering them. Xavier was proud of his work and spent many nights holding you and telling you when he wins his first Oscar, you better be in the audience so he can show the world what keeps him grounded in life outside of the screen.

Xavier was arrogant about his fame to outsiders. In his inner circle, however, he knew that one day he would blow up. You believed in him, you loved and adored him, and all his accomplishments so far.

Those were the good times.

One thing that Xavier was never open about to anyone besides you was his history with drugs.

Montana had known he was a user when they met. The story was that his parents sent him to rehab after finding needles and a bag of heroin in his room.

But that's all it was, a story.

You remember the night perfectly. You were forced to work over as someone bailed on their shift, and like tonight, you texted Xavier and told him you'd be late, just to get no answer.

When you arrived, the living room was empty, and the house was dark. You called his name after setting your things down, seeing the light coming from the bathroom door. You walked to it, knocking gently.

"Xavier?"

You could hear the shower running and what sounded like quiet sniffles. You frowned, going to touch the handle when you heard his voice. "Yeah?"

"Are you okay, babe?" You questioned. Xavier remained silent for a few seconds, and you could hear the sound of skin against the tub as if he were sitting down.

"I'm fine, I'll be out in a minute." He called, his voice thick.

You decided to leave him be, going into your bedroom and stripping from your uniform. Xavier never liked to cry in front of you. He was self-conscious about it, he wanted you to know he could be strong for you. As much as you told him you hated it, you had only seen him cry a handful of times.

You laid on the bed in your bra and panties, pulling a blanket over you as the bathroom door creaked open. Xavier shuffled into your room, wearing sweatpants and his blond hair pushed away from his face. You could already tell his eyes were red as he put his dirty clothes in the hamper.

"The shower's free," he said, his voice monotone. Xavier refused to look at you. He crossed the room, sitting on the bed before plopping on his back, his head nudged your leg.

"What's wrong, Xavier?" You asked gently. You could smell his body wash, and you slowly pushed yourself down, so your heads were level. He kept his eyes closed.

"I'm fine, y/n,"

You tsked at him. "Your eyes were red."

"So? I got soap in them."

You rolled your eyes, "Don't lie to me, Xavier Plympton!"

"I really don't want to talk about it, babe." He groaned. You continued to stare at him until he opened one eye, snapping it shut when he realized he got caught.

"I had a long day," you whispered. "Please, tell me what's bothering you, Xavier. It's going to kill me inside."

Xavier stared up at the ceiling after he finally cracked. He told you what really happened when he was younger.

When he was 18, one of his closest friends at the time, Andrew, started to become heavily involved in drugs. Xavier initially tried to get him to stop, but one day he was stupidly persuaded to try some. You played with his hair as he quietly explained how it got out of control. Whenever Xavier was angry or upset, he would use.

And then, his friend died.

By the time his parents found him, it was too late. His anniversary had passed a few days before, and suddenly Xavier's sour mood the past few days made sense. You held him tightly as he went on to say that shortly after his friend's funeral, he left his home in the middle of the night and wandered to a park where he injected himself and passed out after stumbling around and hitting his head.

He woke up the next day to a man named Blake, who threatened to expose Xavier's drug use if he didn't repay him for saving Xavier in the park. Your heart pounded in your chest as Xavier admitted that he had made porn, specifically with other males after being extorted by Blake.

You didn't know what to say at this admission. Your heartbreak was not because your current boyfriend, who you've had sex with many times, slept with other men. That was Xavier's worst fear, you abandoning him or leaving after he kept it from you. Your heart was breaking because of what this disgusting man did to the love of your life.

"You don't hate me?" Xavier tearfully asked after you comforted him.

"I don't hate you." You confirmed.

Xavier finished by saying he got away once Blake was arrested for his actions. Xavier and countless other men, some underage, were freed from the monster, but some never fully recovered for the mental abuse they suffered.

"After that, I told my parents that I didn't want to end up like Andrew. I didn't want to die, I wanted to get better. That's when I went and got help, and I've been clean ever since, y/n,"

That was a year ago.

Which is why when you got the call from Montana, your heart shattered.

"They found him slumped over, y/n," Montana said tearfully into the phone as you ran to your car, tears threatening your vision as you climbed inside, gasping for breath. "They were able to revive him, but his parents are out of town, and they won't let me inside!"

"I'll be there soon!" You cried into the phone as you drove as fast as you could to the hospital Montana said they were at. She stayed on the line with you the entire time, but you were both dead silent.

You were out of breath when you finally met her, hugging her tightly as Trevor and Chet stood up at the sight of you.

"We tried contacting his parents again, but they're not fucking answering," Chet explained as he and Montana followed you to the receptionist currently talking on the phone. "None of us are his emergency contact, his mom called me and begged us to come here. They might be on a plane ride back."

"I don't know if I am," you breathed as you impatiently waited for the lady to hang up. "M-Maybe I'll tell them we're engaged, or married?" You whispered.

"Married, most definitely," Montana mumbled.

Chet answered his phone when it started ringing, before stating he was going to meet Ray downstairs and bring him up. You watched him go, feeling more tears well up as the lady finally hung up, typing away on her computer.

"Excuse me!" You gasped, hitting the desk as you all but ran to it. She jumped back, looking at your disheveled state before her eyes settled on Montana.

"Look, I'm sorry, but I've already told you-"

"I'm his wife!" You choked up, causing the woman to look at you. "I-I should be one of his contacts."

The woman slowly looked at your hands, seeing the promise ring Xavier had given you on your first anniversary. She sighed before looking up his files.

"Name?" She asked.

You repeated your name, almost crying in relief when she stood up, "Come on, Mrs. Plympton," she said. Montana watched as you walked off, unable to keep the slight smirk off her face.

When you approached his room, a doctor was just coming out. He stopped at the sight of you two, quirking an eyebrow at the lady as she quietly explained who you were.

"How is he?" You blurted out, not meaning to interrupt the nurse as she spoke.

"He's awake, his vitals are back to normal, but he is a little out of it, I'm afraid." He said before his eyes slowly trailed you up and down. "Mrs. Plympton, are you aware your husband is a user?"

Your mouth was dry as you answered, "Xavier had been sober for almost four years, I-I had no idea he was using again..."

The doctor slowly nodded, but you could still feel his judgemental stare as you shifted uncomfortably. "If I were you, I'd consider the possibility he may need to enter rehabilitation. The use of heroin has become quite an epidemic, if he has been sober for as long as you said, a relapse would seem rather unlikely-"

"Doctor Stephens, with all do respect, I do not believe this is the appropriate time or place," the nurse said, glaring at him as she gently squeezed your arm. "Her husband almost died. Let her see him before we discuss any further steps."

You looked at her gratefully, before noticing her last name was also Stephens. You hid your smile as you realized they were probably married.

"Very well, in you go," he said, before nudging you inside. As the door clicked shut behind you, you heard him mumble, "Sharon, in the workplace we are not-"

You slowly approached Xavier's bed as he tiredly glared at the television, playing old reruns of Friends. He whipped his head around at the sound of your footsteps, and a mixture of relief and remorse crossed his face. "y/n?"

You let the tears spill over as you slowly approached him. His blue eyes shining at you from the reflection of the television. He was hooked up to machines, yet he moved over for you to climb into bed with him. He let you sob into his hair, his own lips trembling as he silently cried.

When you both seemed to settle down, that's when you began to talk.

"What happened, Xavier?" You sniffed. "What caused you to relapse?"

Xavier remained silent, bringing a hand to wipe at his face. The only sounds you could hear were the beeping of his heart monitor.

"When Blake went to trial," he began, "The courts ordered all of our... Tapes to be destroyed," he sighed. "They were, except for one,"

Your stomach dropped as his brows furrowed, another sob bubbling in his chest, but he pushed it down. "It was the second video Blake forced me to make. It was of another kid who was younger than me and me. It was his first time ever having sex. Someone found it, or it had been stolen before the trial, I don't know. It was uploaded to the internet last night, and..." he squeezed his eyes shut as the need to cry suddenly became too much. "I didn't know about it until the FBI called me and informed me today. They took it down, but-"

"Oh my God," you breathed out.

"They don't know how many copies exist, they're doing everything they can to track down the person who uploaded it, but my life is so FUCKED up!" He yelled, more tears spilling over as he buried his head in your chest.

"H-Has anybody?..."

"I don't know, nobody has reported on it, my fucking Instagram hasn't blown up or anything, but my fucking life was supposed to start over, that was all supposed to be behind me." He said. "Some times, I can almost forget that it even happened. My life has changed so much in the past four years. I never had the urge to use again until tonight."

His voice was so broken and small that you almost didn't recognize it. You stroked his hair, hoping it still had the same calming effect on him like the many times before.

"You've come so far, Xavier," you whispered to him. "Everything you've been through, everything you've become is so inspiring." You started to comfort him, but he shook his head in disappointment.

"I'm too much of a fuck-up, y/n," he mumbled. "You don't deserve any of this. I don't deserve you."

"Don't you dare fucking say that!" You gasped.

"It's true, y/n," Xavier said. "Whatever happens because of this, I don't want to be the one responsible for ruining your life. It's going to get out what happened to me tonight, what that guy did, and what I did to myself. You deserve nothing but happiness and a great life."

"Please stop," you whimpered.

"If you want to leave me, I won't stop you. I-I love you too much to hurt you, y/n."

You squeezed him tighter, whispering assurances in his ear that you weren't going to leave him. You loved Xavier with all your heart. "I'm not throwing away two years of us being together over this."

Xavier cupped your wet cheek in his hand, bringing his lips to your forehead as you crumbled beneath his touch.

"W-We can get through this," you said. "Xavier, if people heard the story of what actually happened to you, your real fans will love and support you no matter what. What Blake did was a horrible thing, and now he is spending the rest of his life in prison."

Xavier nodded, but you could still see the hurt in his eyes. "They'll find out I was a heroin addict. Society doesn't care about people like me."

As much as you wanted to convince him he was wrong, you knew in a way that not everybody would be supportive of someone with an addiction, society could be unbearably cruel.

There was a knock at the door, and you both straightened up as two uniformed agents slowly stepped into the room. You immediately found yourself recoiling at the sight of them, more worry coursing through you as Xavier looked at them nervously.

They introduced themselves as partners with the FBI. Due to the ongoing investigation, no details of what happened tonight will be made public. Xavier wished for much secrecy as possible, not wanting any of this to get out.

"We are currently monitoring all adult websites and making sure no articles about this are being made public. The woman who found you is being cooperative and will not spread the word of what has happened, Mr. Plympton."

They stayed for about twenty minutes, explaining that Xavier was under their protection for the time being. When it’s time for him to discharge from the hospital, it will be at an undisclosed time and location, and they also informed you to not be alarmed if any agents show up at your doorstep.

After they left, Xavier was exhausted. You had since moved to the chair, continuing running your fingers through his hair as his eyes drooped.

"y/n?" He whispered.

"What is it, babe?" You asked.

"I'm happy you decided to stay."

You cracked a smile, "Did you really think I wouldn't have?"

Xavier didn't say anything but held a mischievous twinkle in his eye as you pressed a kiss to his forehead. You whispered to him as he slowly dozed off, promising him of a better tomorrow.

And most importantly, of your future with him by your side.

[insomnia-productions]

Oh My God, They Were Roommates

A Mat/Rand Quarantine Drabble :D

Read on AO3

.

Day One

Mat dangles out of the window, eyes closed, hoping to catch one last whiff of alcohol—any alcohol, at this point—before the bar across the street closes forever.

“It’s only for the next month or two,” Rand chides him, pulling him back in before he tips right out of the window.

It would have been more merciful to let him fall the six storeys. A month without the bar is more than a death sentence. It’s a cruel and inhumane punishment, and Mat whines his protest loudly as he sinks to the floor beneath the window in a puddle of despair. Rand frowns worriedly at him and ruffles his hair gently—which does make him feel slightly better, though he’ll deny it in court.

Over on the couch, Perrin only rolls his eyes. “Lockdown in a nice apartment with reliable WiFi, my Netflix account to mooch off of, and Rand’s cooking. You’ll survive.”

Rand has moved away. Mat lets out a piteous sound, partly in protest to Perrin’s oversimplification of his tragic situation, and partly to encourage further headpats. As anticipated, Perrin rolls his eyes again and turns away—though Mat catches a fond smile quirking his lips as he does so—and Rand walks back over and sits next to Mat, patting his shoulder.

“It’ll be okay, Mat, you’ll see.” He gives one of those warm, gentle smiles. “We’ll have so much free time! We can learn new hobbies, I can keep practicing the flute, maybe we’ll finally get you to cook more than insta-ramen, we can stay up late and watch old movies and you can make fun of them, I know you like that, and…”

He keeps smiling as he talks, and, in spite of himself, Mat thinks that maybe, just maybe, this won’t be so bad.

.

Day Two

“Hey, guys,” Mat says over breakfast, with the widest grin Rand has ever seen. It’s the first time he’s smiled like that since the lockdown was announced, and Rand feels relief and warmth wash over him to see it.

“Hey, guys,” Mat repeats, “d’you know what we’re in right now?”

Perrin frowns. “An apartment?”

Mat’s grin widens impossibly. With barely contained glee: “Quarantimes.”

Perrin throws a bowl at him. Rand stifles an errant giggle, puts on a deadpan expression, and says, “I take it back. This is the worst.”

.

Day Five

Rand learns very quickly that there is a slight, slight issue in quarantining with his two best friends. It’s no big deal, really, he’s quite sure he can keep the problem contained for the next month or two without making a fool of himself, and the flame and void have always been very helpful in squashing down his emotions, so really there isn’t much of a problem at all, it’s just—he’s in love with one of them.

It’s easy being in love with Mat when they only see each other in the mornings and evenings, in the few classes they share, and on the weekends. It’s harder on holidays, when the three of them fly back to their shared hometown, spending long days roaming the streets to see what’s new, wandering through meadows and brooks and familiar, unchanging trees. But this? Sharing this tiny apartment with Mat, 24/7, with no work, no school, nothing but each other to keep themselves occupied? This is much, much worse.

Before the lockdown, when their lives kept them busy and apart, Rand could close his eyes and try to forget why he even liked Mat. The man is an obnoxious bastard, after all, and an absolute mess of a human being. He’d thought that being around him so much would only drive the point home—and, in a way, constant exposure to Mat and all his mattiness has been immensely trying, to say the least. He’s so loud, all the time, and he keeps forgetting to do the dishes, and he hogs all the WiFi with his nonstop streaming, not to mention the stupid 48-hour online gaming competition he’s gotten into with the upstairs neighbor. But…

Well, the problem with nonstop exposure to Mat’s mattiness is that it’s also given Rand a hundred and one reminders why he’d fallen for Mat in the first place. Reminders like his bright smiles, or the sound of his laughter, or his ceaseless snarky comments as he spies on the apartments across the street. Reminders like his infectious mischief, or his inability to go five minutes without referencing Vine, or the way the sun catches his face when he sits on the windowsill at dusk, one leg dangling out, a tiny act of rebellion against the virus keeping them all stuck indoors.

Rand sighs to himself as Mat’s voice floats over from within the apartment, blasting out some of the most creative trash-talk Rand has ever heard, punctuated by laughter and the muffled, tinny sound of trumpets and victory music. Mat himself zooms into the living room a moment later, still in yesterday’s pajamas, whooping and hollering and wearing the most shit-eating grin Rand has ever seen. His eyes are ringed in dark circles, but they’re bright with vindication, and as as he leaps onto the table—ignoring Perrin’s glare of protest—to scream his victory chant through the ceiling, Rand buries his face in his hands and thinks, I’m fucked.

.

Day Eight

Mat is so fucked.

So incredibly, inescapably, irreversibly fucked.

He’s fucked because he’s stuck inside his apartment for a month straight—’cause, seriously, Mat is a free spirit, he can’t be tied down like this!—and, worse, he’s stuck inside his apartment for a month straight with his best friend and the person he’s in love with—and Perrin, of course— and even worse than that he’s stuck inside his apartment for a month straight with the person he’s in love with and Rand won’t stop playing love songs on that damned flute!

Look, it’s one thing for Rand to play the flute. It’s one thing for him to sit on the windowsill with the midafternoon sun making his hair look like warm firelight, eyes half-lidded and smiling peacefully every time he pauses for breath. It’s one thing for him to look up at Mat as he plays, eyes bright and crinkled as if to say, look, look, I got the note right, aren’t you proud?

That’s all one thing. Something. It’s—something.

It’s another thing entirely for him to play almost exclusively love songs while doing all that. It’s like he’s doing it on purpose. It’s like he knows about Mat’s stupid crush and quarantimes have got him so bored that he’s actively trying to torture Mat just for a few snatches of daily entertainment. But that, of course, can’t be true. Right? Right?

Oh, Light, it hasn’t even been a week and Mat is already losing his mind. This lockdown had better not last more than a month. It had been so easy to love Rand before the quarantine. Mat had had an arrangement with his heart. As long as they were outside of the apartment—which was most of the time—Mat could forget all about his crush. He could go to class, go to work, go to bars and flirt with pretty girls, and never have to spare a moment to think about Rand, save for the occasional errant thought. It was only in the apartment that he would be forced to confront his—ew—emotions. And in his dreams, of course—his heart held free reign over his dreams, but, well, in a situation like this, you took what you could get and didn’t complain.

Now, though, he spends every waking minute in the apartment, with Rand—with Rand and his soft hair and his gentle smiles and his pretty eyes and warm laugh and that Light-forsaken flute. It’s maddening.

“Mat?”

Speak of the Dark One and he shall appear—wearing a soft, puzzled smile and framed with a halo of dying sunlight, as it were.

“Mat, could you come over here a sec? I can’t tell if this note sounds right.”

Mat puts on a grin, resisting the urge to bang his head against the nearest wall, and walks over to the windowsill. “Sure, Rand. What song are you playing?”

Rand gives him a smile and an expression so innocent that it bypasses all trickery and circles right back to blood and ashes this man genuinely doesn’t know what he’s doing to me. Blandly, Rand says, “Purple Rain.”

Mat is so, so fucked.

.

Day Nine

Perrin has taken to birdwatching. He finds an online guide to city birds, mixes his own birdseed from what he finds in the kitchen, and starts laying it out along the windowsill in his bedroom. Hopefully he’ll get some visitors soon. In the meantime, he listens to bird calls on YouTube and starts trying to match the sounds to the birds he hears outside the apartment.

Quarantimes aren’t so bad, he supposes.  

.

Day Thirteen

Rand knows from a good twenty-odd years of experience that Mat gets bored very easily, that he can’t sit still for a minute, that he could be locked up in an empty room with naught but his own mind and still find a hundred ways to get into trouble before noon. So he isn’t surprised when Mat, two weeks into the lockdown, decides to take up juggling.

What is surprising—although, knowing Mat, it probably shouldn’t be—is that, rather than making use of the many knicknacks, bits and bobs, and half-rotting apples lying around their apartment, Mat has chosen to begin his juggling career with knives.

Butter knives. But still.

Rand sits curled in a chair, unable to tear his eyes away, like he’s watching a car crash in slow motion, or one of those Buzzfeed compilations—pictures taken moments before disaster.

Perrin catches him watching and snorts. “You might try blinking once or twice.”

“He’s going to stab himself,” Rand murmurs, half in defense. “Someone needs to protect him from himself.”

“Sure,” Perrin says, already walking back to his room, carrying—something or other. Rand can’t bring himself to look away from Mat long enough to see what. “Sure, Rand. That’s why.”

Well, Rand thinks determinedly, that is why.

Sure, the way Mat’s standing, he’s backlit by the setting sun, and, sure, the look of pure focus on his face is unfamiliar and strangely alluring, and, alright, yeah, the way his hands move so deftly to catch each knife at the last second is thrilling and impressive—but the stabbing thing is the primary reason, obviously. Obviously.

This is fine.

.

Day Fourteen

Mat graduates from butter knives to steak knives.

This time, even Perrin can’t look away.

Rand is too busy having an aneurysm to feel vindicated.

.

Day Seventeen

Perrin has four regulars to his bird feed window now: a bluejay, two sparrows, and a crow. They come at different times of day, like they’ve organized some sort of schedule. It’s the kind of thing a bird would do, Perrin thinks. They’re very smart creatures.

He reads up on bird diets, and starts to differentiate their feed. He thinks they’ll appreciate that.

.

Day Nineteen

It’s three in the morning and Mat sits stone-still on the sofa, almost vibrating with nervous energy and the sheer effort it takes not to move. He should’ve known it was a mistake to have a Lord Of The Rings marathon with Rand “I can stay up all night, Mat, of course I can, what are you talking about?” al’Thor.

Onscreen, Sméagol is making his gradual and indescribably disturbing transition into Gollum, but Mat stopped watching a good forty-five minutes ago, when, right in the middle of the Ents’ takeover of Isengard, Rand had let out a soft yawn and fallen asleep. That would have been fine, but Rand, in a moment of pure slumberous treachery, had managed to lean into Mat, curling up against his side like a red retriever puppy. Now Mat can’t move, but he can’t even enjoy the movie, either, which—look, okay, Mat really does love Rand with his entire heart, such as it were, but this is the Lord of the Rings they’re talking about, and love comes and goes, but LOTR is forever.

The movie ends three hours later, the credits rising with the sun, and Mat remains motionless through it all—he hasn’t sat still for this long in his life.

An hour or so after sunrise, Rand finally stirs, and blinks confusedly up at Mat for a moment before rocketing away, face turned to the window. In a strange tone, he says, “Sorry about that.”

“No problem,” Mat forces out. He can see his reflection in the black screen of the TV. He looks like a damn raccoon. Mat is no stranger to staying up into the ungodly hours, but this was—quite different. Quite different.

Rand seems to hesitate a moment, putting his hands in his pockets and taking them out again. “Did you—sleep well?”

“Yep,” Mat says, popping the ‘p’, and promptly passes out.

.

Day Twenty-One

The birds have been absent for a few days, but the last time the crow came, she left Perrin a shiny clip and a broken pendant, so Perrin is sure she, at least, will come back in her own time.

In the meanwhile, he notices that two new spiders have taken up residence in his room—one next to his desk, and the other in a corner near the window. He names the window one Varys, and the desk one Claude. He knows less about spiders than he does about birds, but he likes to imagine that they like the names.

.

Day Twenty-Three

Mat and Rand start working on a puzzle.

It’s an old, dusty thing, a gift from someone back in Emond’s Field a long time ago, something they’ve both been meaning to work on for years but never gotten around to doing. It has one thousand small pieces and the scene is ridiculously complex—some sort of magical battle between two men in the sky, a golden dragon curling around the frame. It’s frustrating at times, or most of the time, really, but it’s nice, sitting in silence together, sorting pieces, the only sounds being low Lofi music playing on Rand’s laptop and the occasional huff of annoyance or short burst of triumphant laughter as something clicks.

They work on the puzzle for a solid twenty hours, and, as the moon drifts idly between the stars, Rand lifts the final piece, hand hovering over the empty space in the puzzle, and smiles.

“Well?” Mat prompts, looking tired but sounding eager.

Rand looks at him. “It’s the last piece. We should do it together.”

Mat blinks at him a moment, before a slow grin, easy spreads across his face. “Alright.”

It’s only when Mat leans over to place his hand over Rand’s that Rand realizes he hadn’t quite thought this through—but, in the night, with only the moon and a dim lamp lighting the room, it doesn’t seem to matter.

Sharing a grin, they lower their hands together, and the final piece clicks into place.

.

Day Twenty-Eight

“Think they’ll end the lockdown soon?”

Rand shrugs.

“It’s been almost a month,” Mat continues. It’s sunset and they’re sharing the living room windowsill, watching the orange light flicker across the black windows of all the shut-down shops on the street. “And it’s getting warmer.”

Rand shrugs again. “Who knows?”

Mat grins slightly. “WHO knows.”

“Original,” Rand deadpans, but he feels himself smile anyway, turning his gaze to Mat. Quietly, consideringly, he murmurs, “Well, would another month be so bad?” Mat looks at him in askance and Rand’s smile softens. “Lockdown isn’t great, but… it’s been kind of nice. Getting to spend more time together. Right?”

Mat blinks, and slowly smiles. “Right.” They stay like that a moment, just smiling, before Mat huffs a short laugh, ducking his head. “Light, Rand.”

“What?”

“You really have no idea, do you?”

“What?” Rand frowns. “No idea about what?”

Mat laughs again, shaking his head, looking back up at Rand with the strangest expression. “Nothing.”

There’s something in his expression, or his voice, or maybe the dusk light, that gives Rand a sudden flutter of cautious hope.

“Nothing,” he repeats softly. “Nothing.” He can feel himself leaning closer, and it might just be imagination, or wishful thinking, but it seems like Mat is leaning closer, too. He gets the question out without really hearing himself speak, the distance between them growing smaller with each whispered word. “Would nothing be… something like… this?”

The next few minutes pass in a daze, but, when they finally part, Rand is pretty sure he’s going to remember the grin Mat gives him for the rest of his life.

.

Day Thirty

The lockdown is extended another month.

Mat and Rand share a smile.

Perrin shuts the door on them and goes back to feeding his birds.

.

[szopenhauer]

People do you live with - are they related to you? they are indeed

Have you ever had to have surgery before? What was this for? not yet

Are you listening to any music right now? What song is it? just finished, got tired/bored of it

Who did you last hug? When did this hug take place? Where? my mom, today, home

Who was the last person to play with your hair? Are they cute? my gf, yes

Do you enjoy shopping? Who do you usually go shopping with anyways? yes, mostly looking at stuff, dad

Are you afraid of thunderstorms? What exactly makes you afraid of them? nah

What color are the shutters on your house by the windows, if there are any? we don’t have shutters

Do you enjoy talking smack to those annoying telemarketers? Is it funny? I disconnect immediately

Do you need spellcheck in order to spell things correctly? usually not Do you do too many surveys? How many have you done today? yeah but it’s smth that keeps my mind occupied in those stressful times and I enjoy it for fun - you don’t have to read them if you don’t want to, let me do what I want to survive, I don’t need to explain myself actually as it’s my life  Have you ever changed yourself to impress someone?  I regret that Who was the last person you gave up on? Why did you give up on them? I gave up on almost everyone including myself Is there ink in your printer? not black, only color Have you been outside yet today? What were you doing? taking care of trash and dog  What kind of games did you play on the playground when you were younger? many

Have you ever buried a time capsule with a friend? Did you dig it up yet? with my sister, it disappeared  Do you remember the first time you ever drove a car?  never happened  Where did you get your favorite hoodie? it’s my sister’s old hoodie Are shoes under your bed? I don’t keep anything under my bed  Have you ever been in handcuffs?  *wink* not yet :P Have you ever had to be put to sleep at a hospital?  I might for my gastroscopy someday because I have a strong gag reflex and there’s no other way :( When are you planning on moving out of your parents’ house? plan pfft... Are you a fan of dogs?  small dogs Who was the last person in your family to graduate high school? Was it you? immediate family? it was me

What genre was the last song you listened to? dance/electronic I see… Did it have a male or female vocalist? female Have you watched any of your favourite TV shows today? Which? I haven’t watched any TV show today What colour is your make-up bag? I don’t use one Have you ever dyed your hair green? yep

What color was the first pet you had? green

Have you ever had fake nails? nope

What was your favorite year of high school? definitely not the last, probably first

Would you be more afraid of drowning or being buried alive? both include choking but drowning gives you a bigger chance of survival

Does your family own more than two houses? we’re too poor for that and owning more than one house is unfair in my opinion

Would you marry someone who could never have sex for medical reasons? I’m asexual, I don’t like/want/need sex so that’s cool

What about someone who was guaranteed to die in five years? anyone can die any moment so yes

Do you have any step parents? no

Do you know what year your mother was born in? I always forget

The person you would never want to meet? someone dangerous If you were a type of tree, what would you be? weeping willow or hollow/dead tree of some sort

Favorite age you’ve been so far? childhood in general I think You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? maybe even myself?... If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?  I don’t want a slave wtf You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? save it Are you a good kisser? am not Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?
 several times Have you ever built a snowman? of course Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? sunrises, even tho I’m not a morning person If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? dog + elephant Can you do any accents other than your own?  not well What is the last thing you drew a picture of?  not sure what was last

If the opportunity arose, would you ever go to a nude beach? Do you think you’d be comfortable enough, being naked among others like that? hell no, I wouldn’t be comfy enough to look at penises, gross! Have you ever considered keeping a dream journal? If you have one, have you ever looked back on it at all of the odd/interesting dreams you used to have? gonna burn it soon Do you think regifting is cheap, or is it okay? Have you ever regifted before? it’s ok, yeah

Do you like tablets or laptops more?  laptops Have you ever had to “come out” to your parents about anything (sexual orientation, change in religion, etc.)? How did it go? yep, it didn’t went well but it could be way worse What’s the most unusual kind of pizza you’ve ever tried? nothing unusual Has there ever been a time where you thought you were going to be great friends with someone, but it just never happened? yep :( What’s one of your favorite things to touch/feel? hmm... How often do you wear tights? very rarely Why is your favorite TV show your favorite? I like many but my favs I chose basing on the impact on my life Describe your favorite picture of yourself, or post it. those funniest and with my dad too I guess Assuming you have a Facebook, if one of your friends posted things that annoyed you, would you be more likely to delete them as a friend, hide their statuses, or just put up with it? hide statuses but if they’re not close to me I might even kick them out of my friends list forever, definitely won’t just put up with it When was the last time you wore a sports bra? yesterday On a scale of 1-10, how anxious are you currently? 11 How is the weather? windy

If you were a pirate, what would your name be? Sam Bell or Robin Hood unless you ask me for a nickname then I’d have to think about it more

Would you rather go the short way slow, or take the long way fast if you got there in the same amount of time? doesn’t matter

Would you rather always be in a crowd, or be the only person on earth? only person 

Do you squeeze the toothpaste from the top or the bottom?   middle?

If you had to move out of this country, what country would you move to? Why?   England or some scandinavian ones I believe

How many children do you want? Girls or boys?   0 but if any then 1 girl

If you had to lose one of your five senses, which one of them would you prefer to lose and why? smell because it’s hyper and I hate that

If you could live anywhere for one year, all expenses paid, where would you live? just my own apartment

What’s your favorite song to karaoke to? *shrug*

What takes you out of your comfort zone?   life

If you were on the cover of a magazine, which one would it be and why? I want my apartment to be on a cover of an interior design magazine

If you could be laid to rest anywhere, where would it be? Why? next to my brother and/or my dad after his death

Pool side or beach? beach

What is your favorite primary color? yellow

What is your favorite brand of bottled water? I don’t care anymore If you were to write a story, what would it be about? already written some  When was the last time you got out of your home? not counting going to my garden/yard - yesterday Do you like color pencils or crayons better? colored pencils Have you ever played Badminton? I liked to Would you ever consider running for president? nah What color is the sky right now? light blue Is March one of your favorite seasons? why not Do you write little reminders to yourself? shitload Would you want a pet iguana? I heard they commit suicide :x Exactly how many days have you been alive? 10,399 Do you know how to knit/crochet? a bit Do you enjoy windy days? I like the sound of wind and zephyr during the hottest days but that’s all

Do you believe that big goals are just as attainable as small ones? some to some

Have you ever deleted your Facebook, then brought it back? deleted and made new account

How many times a day do you change your clothes? depends

When was the last time you used spray paint? long time ago

What color are the chairs at your kitchen table? white

Do you believe that life only gets harder or easier? harder to me

Have you ever had sex with 2 different people in the same week? noooo

Are the doors of your fridge side by side or on top of one another? on top of one another

If you’ve moved out of the house you were born in, do you know the people who live in that house now? not applicable

do you sing to songs in the car when you are alone? I don’t drive so I’m never alone in the car

do you laugh at other people when they are alone in their car singing? it’s cute

the world will end in an hour. what do you do? send a cab for my dad if possible to bring him home

does the weirdest dream you have ever had involve your history teacher? that’s weirdly specific - no

how many christmas trees are in your home during the season? depends

ever told your date you were going to the bathroom and actually left? nope but if I was scared of them I could do that :o

what never fails to put you in a bad mood? ugh...

what is the first thing that comes to mind when i say green? plants

did you know that you hear/see something that relates to a monkey everyday? really? I don’t believe you

do you share a bed with anyone, or is it allll yours? it’s allll mine

are you from the north/south/west/east? personal

[too-attached-to-fiction]

Sober Up

Masterlist here.

Word Count: ~1,000

Requested by @plasticpatella

Request: Number 27 with Bruce Banner? If you don’t write for Bruce, with Tony? Thank you!!

Song Prompt #27: Sober Up by AJR 

A/N: ooh, i’ve never written for bruce or tony. but they’re both sweethearts who deserve the world... this takes place after the first avengers movie! also that side eye up there haha

Requests are open! Please specify what prompt list you are requesting from if you choose to use them! 

~~~

Running errands had to be one of the most boring things in the world. While most people would view running around New York exciting, you found it less than. Chasing after subways with both hands full of groceries wasn’t exactly glamorous.

And you were only on the first one of the day.

“Eggs... got that... milk... got that too... bread... mhm. Tea...” you looked up from your list and set off to the next aisle.

Lost in thought as you scanned the selection of tea boxes in front of you, you didn’t notice a man with salt and pepper colored hair approaching. The two of you reached for the same box simultaneously, your hands knocking together.

“Oh, sorry.” You startled, somehow managing to drop the box in the process. The stranger bent down to pick it up, and when his eyes landed on yours, there was something oddly familiar about him.

“Bruce?” It had to be too good to be true. Little, nerdy Bruce Banner, from Einstein Elementary. The two of you had been best friends, losing contact after your father moved the family to where he was relocated.

“How do you... (Y/N)?” His eyebrows scrunched together as he recognized you. “Wow, it’s been a while.”

“Yeah.” You said. “I can’t believe I found you in New York, of all places.”

“Well, uh, I work for Tony Stark now. I’m sure you heard about the accident.”

You nodded, remembering the headlines of the Hulk. You hadn’t kept up with most of your classmates, but through the grape vine you’d heard rumors about the world renowned scientist, an experiment gone wrong with gamma radiation. You’d written the stories off as tall tales, with some creative genius behind them. But looking at his weary expression, you knew now that they were more than that.

“You want to grab some coffee or tea or something after this?” He asked, and you nodded again.

Errands be damned. You didn’t know when you’d see him again after this.

Half an hour later, the two of you were in the lobby of Stark Tower. Apparently, the heir of stark industries had made a cafe in the lobby, insisting that any and all employees take advantage of it on their breaks.

Unlike the lobby, the cafe actually looked like one; it was a little cluttered, but it did look like a nice place to sit in and catch up.

“One green tea and one...”

“Peppermint tea.” You piped up to finish the order. You reached for your wallet in your bag, but he held up a hand.

“Like I said, this is Tony’s version of a break room. It’s all free.” He gave you a wry grin as the barista set down two cups of tea in front of you on the counter.

Bruce led you to a table in the corner, and the two of you sat down, still not believing that the other was here.

“How have you been?” He asked, leaning forward. “Are things going well?”

“Yeah, I’m finishing up my nurse certification now. Pediatric care.” You nodded, burning your tongue as you took a sip of your tea. “My family went all over until I ended up here at NYU.”

“That’s amazing. Good for you.” He smiled, and you felt your cheeks burning. His smiles were always a little shy, his eyes soft as they crinkled. You ducked your head, brushing the hair out of your face as you did so.

“Thanks. The kids are all really sweet. I’m in the middle of my last semester.”

“Let me know when you have graduation, I’ll try to make it.” He promised. “I missed you, (Y/N). You always made me better.”

“I missed you too.” You bit your lip. “Did you ever think we’d... end up together?”

“Well, I don’t really remember what I thought at that age.” He chuckled a little. “But I remember I always wanted to be around you and hug you constantly.”

“I didn’t really see it until I went back home. All those photos made me nostalgic, and I just wondered what could have been, you know?”

“Do you still feel the same way? We’re not the same kids that ran science experiments on the playground. I mean, hell, I get angry and turn into the big guy.” He looked down at his cup as you finished your cup of tea.

“I’m not sure. I mean, we haven’t talked in years. Maybe we can just start by making up for lost time as friends?”

“That sounds good.”

The rest of the afternoon flew by, the two of you joking and catching up. You learned about everything he’d done since primary school; even the difficult parts.

You were in the middle of telling him about high school when Tony Stark himself appeared in front of you.

“Hey, Doctor Banner, you’re needed upstairs for a team meeting.” He patted Bruce’s shoulder and you grinned at his mildly annoyed expression. “Up on the communal floor.”

Tony looked over at you, and you found yourself reaching for Bruce’s hand under the table. Carefully, he held yours and squeezed it gently.

“Tony Stark, who are you?”

“(Y/N), I’m one of Bruce’s old school friends.” You unlaced your fingers from his to shake Tony’s hand.

“Well, I’m sorry to cut your date short, Doctor Banner, but we gotta wrap this up.” You smiled at Tony’s bluntness, standing up and pulling your bag on your shoulder.

“It was nice to see you again. I’d tell you my number, but I think I’ll let you figure it out.” You winked, making your way out of the cafe and leaving Bruce absolutely speechless.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’ve got a crush.” Tony smirked at his lab partner as he groaned.

“Please tell me you won’t look her up.”

“No promises!” Tony said gleefully, skipping towards the exit. “Time for dinner!”

Bruce groaned again. But in his mind, he couldn’t help but wonder if one day, you’d be headed up there with him.

[ryqoshay]

How to Handle a Nico: Final Recital

Primary Pairing: NicoMaki Words: ~1.1k Rating: G Time Frame: End of Maki’s 3rd year of high school and Nico’s 2nd year of college Story Arc: Stand Alone

Author’s Note: Been wanting to write this one for a while now. Came out shorter than anticipated, kinda like the last one. Not sure if that’s good or bad, but maybe I’m just getting better at getting to the point?

“Maki-chan?”

No! No, anyone but her! I’m not ready to face her yet! I don’t want her to see me like this…

“I thought I’d find you here.”

Maki tensed as arms slid around her shoulders and a chin dropped down onto her head.

“…” Maki found she couldn’t reply. Opening her mouth would risk releasing the sobs she had been holding back. And opening her eyes would release the tears.

For the last year she had prepared for this moment, but now that it had finally arrived, she realized she wasn’t ready. Even before the graduation ceremony had concluded, Maki had needed to escape. She didn’t return to her seat after receiving her certificate, instead choosing to slip out a side door, ignoring Rin’s questioning call. It took every ounce of her willpower not to break down before reaching the safety of her beloved music room.

But now the sanctuary of solitude had been breached by a twin-tailed college student.

For her part, Nico remained surprisingly silent. She simply stood behind the piano bench, arms wrapped loosely around Maki’s shoulders in a gentle embrace. She leaned slightly forward, pressing herself against Maki’s back as though to lend her warmth to the younger girl.

The minutes ticked away, second by second by second. Maki didn’t know how much time passed, but she eventually started to relax and allowed herself to accept some of the comfort the older girl was providing.

“Big day, eh?” The serenity was shattered.

Maki’s shoulders slumped. “It’s over…” She heard herself murmur.

“Your high school career?”

“My…” The pianist choked. “My music…”

“Oh? Why?” Something about Nico’s tone didn’t sit well with Maki.

“I’m going to be a doctor, Nico-chan!” A hint of irritation seeped into her voice.

“And you’ll be an amazing one, for sure.”

“I’m going to inherit and be responsible for running the hospital.”

“So you’ve said, many times.”

“I can’t be a school idol anymore.”

“Of course not, you won’t be in high school anymore.”

“So my time with music is over!” Maki wanted to shout to release her mounting anger, but couldn’t bring herself to do much beyond raising her voice a bit.

“Maki-chan…” Nico pulled away, leaving the other girl to immediately miss the contact. “You were never going to be a professional idol.” She straddled the piano bench to face the other girl and made sure she had eye contact before continuing. “I know you loved being a school idol, more that you’ll probably ever admit. And you were amazing; one of the best. But, you and I both know you wouldn’t do well in the industry.”

Maki opened her mouth to object, but couldn’t really deny the statement.

“Concert pianist, I could see.” Nico admitted. “Not an idol. But, you were passionate about music before becoming a school idol. And I know for a fact you will continue to be passionate about it after. So just because you’re going to become a doctor and not a professional musician, doesn’t mean you will stop loving music. Nor does it mean you should.” She reached over to take Maki’s hand. “Music is important to you. Everyone knows that.”

“But…”

“So, keep it as a hobby.”

“…” Maki blinked.

“So what if father forbade you from continuing being an idol after high school? He didn’t forbid you from keeping music as a hobby.” Nico paused as though something occurred to her. “He didn’t… right?”

“He didn’t…”

“So yeah, everyone needs hobbies, even doctors…” Nico waggled her head a bit before amending, “Probably especially doctors. After a stressful day at the hospital, or in classes before that, you’ll need something to help you unwind. After classes and training, I have my idol magazines and websites and stuff. Umi has her archery.” She continued to list examples from among their friends. “And you have your music.”

“But… I don’t know where I’ll be able to play.” Maki turned her attention to the school piano as several memories of playing it ran through her mind.

“You own a piano, right?”

“It’s at my parents’ house. I won’t be able to fit it in the dorm.”

“You’re moving?”

Maki nodded.

“Oh. But you can still visit whenever you want, right?”

“Yeah…”

“And I know your college has a music department. Surely, they have a piano or two you could use, even if you have to sign up for a timeslot or whatever.”

“I think so…”

“And the rest of us are still counting on you to play when we sing carols at our Christmas reunions. Or really any other reunion we have at your parents’ house. You know as well as I do that just because you don’t technically live there anymore won’t stop Honoka from suggesting we gather there.”

For the first time in hours, Maki felt a small smile tug at the corner of her mouth. Nico was probably right about that. And Maki would probably give in and ask her parents if it was alright. And they would probably say yes, as they had every time since Maki first starting inviting her friends. And just like every other time, her friends would find a way to convince her to play the piano for them. Not that they needed to work all that hard, but…

The change in demeanor was not lost on Nico, who suddenly grinned. “A~nd if Maki-chan is good and keeps up with her studies,” her tone rose in pitch “Nico-nii mi~ght even let her write a song to use as a single. And Maki-chan would ne~ver turn down such an amazing opportunity because she lo~ves Nico so~ much.”

“Idiot.” Maki failed to deadpan as her own smile grew.

“You like it.”

Maki rolled her eyes. “Maybe.”

“Feeling better?”

“A bit…”

“Good, because I think it’s time for one last song to send you off from here.” She ran a hand across the keys to indicate what she meant.

“Or two?” Maki couldn’t help a bit of hopefulness in her voice as she anticipated the idea of an emotional release through music.

“Or even three or more. I’d say play until they kick you out.”

“Just me?”

“Nico knows she’s already intruded enough on Maki’s private piano time.”

“I… wouldn’t mind an audience…” At least not if it’s you… She added silently.

“Well, if Maki-chan insists.”

“I can still change my mind and kick you out.” Maki was more successful with this deadpan attempt.

Nico laughed and turned to sit properly on the bench.

Without another word, Maki reached forward and began her final Otonokizaka recital.

Well, at least not another spoken word.

Thank you, Nico-chan…

Author’s Notes Continued in Followup Post

[mechanizedmonster]

Artist Interview: John Warren

I’ll be honest, I don’t think I ever known what it is like to perform music. So, it’s valuable to have someone be able to tell you about that experience because it helps to open your eyes and ears. Today, I interviewed Professor Warren of Rutgers University and asked about his musical background. 

*Interview begins*

Hello everyone. Today I am interviewing a very special guest, our very own professor: John Warren!

Hello!

How is it going?

It’s going well. It’s been such an honor that you selected me.

Yeah, I feel like this is the greatest honor ever.

Oh no. It’s been a pleasure. It’s been a pleasure working with you and to share about my musical experience.

That’s great, thank you so much. So, we know that you have a history with the bass. What made you decide you want to play bass in the first place?

Well, like many bass players, I was a guitar player first. At a pretty young age, I played saxophone in school bands like many kids do, fooled around with the piano. My father was a guitar player at one point somewhat professional back in the 60s and 70s, so I had guitars around all the time and I always wanted to play guitar you know a young, young, young kid in the 1980s, you know saw Guns N’ Roses and that sort of very guitar centric pop and rock music at the time. So I play guitar for many, many years but the issue becomes, especially when I was younger, everyone played guitar and you know, I was pretty good -actually, very good actually, probably- but it was very hard to find bass players and by that time I got very into punk rock music which actually is very bass driven, something that is not always understood. Bass players typically has the most chops and techniques and that was because the origins of punk rock music, especially from English bands, were immersed in Ska and Rege music which was very bass driven. So, it was important to have a good bass player in a punk rock band. So, at some point, I got frustrated and I made the rhythm guitarist in my band the only guitarist and we got tired of struggling to find a bass player and I just got a bass for Christmas when I was about 13 or 14 and I always messed around with my friend’s basses, but I got a bass, practiced for about a week or two and did my first recording session with the band I was in at the time as the bass player. From that point forward I went back and forth for a long time playing guitar and bass the band I was with throughout most of high school, I mostly played guitar and I had to find two really good bass players, one of which I still occasionally play with today. So, there wasn’t a need. But then in college, I ended up being a jazz, bass major and that was my primary instrument as a music major so the whole thing kinda came back together and where I really focused on bass. Again, I was surrounded by lots of really good guitar players in Mason Gross in a jazz program and even just in the bands I was playing with, it was just so much easier to find a guitar player. Then in college, the jazz program here, at the time at least, was very traditional, playing with the upright bass which I did play with my experience as a guitar player- playing bass and really through all of that though studying jazz, studying upright bass,  violin bass, classical technique and all that. I really started to become a bass player which really before that point I was just a guitar player who owned a bass. Yeah. So, it’s a long story but I still play guitar pretty well and occasionally do guitar gigs but there was a point in college I guess where what I had to offer as a bass player outweighed what I had to offer as a guitar player.

How many years do you think it took to hone your skills?

Still working on it man, still working on it. So, again, college is where I really studied bass and I did have guitar lessons before that and the guitar teachers would show me things on bass. So, if you count the beginning, about 20 years? The time I started playing guitar, 30 years. Yeah. It’s a long time. You gotta put like Vladwell has the number he has “x amount of hours to be a genius or master”. I’m not even concerned about that. Just to be competent or Just to be artistically good for people to work with you. Might not be Vladwell’s number but it’s a lot of hours you have to put in.

That’s pretty amazing. I never would have imagined that you were a guitar player.

Yeah. I mean at home, I mostly play. Paul McCarty said, well, no one wants to sit around and sing a song while playing bass or guitar. A classic song that everyone wants to sing along to.

Yeah, I mean, you could do it.

Yeah. There is a guy I know in my neighborhood, the bass player. It’s weird to me a bass player who doesn’t play guitar a little bit, it’s kind of a gimmick, kinda cool. I’ve seen Sting do it. Seen Sting sing with a bass. But, it’s unusual right? Not with a guitar. Probably singing a Beatles song.

The band you play with, how was it first formed band formed?

Well I played with a few different bands currently and all of them have existed long before I was with them. It’s sort of the dream of the musician, when you want to jump on the wave and its already cresting toward you but you’re hoping the wave comes toward you. It’s kind of depressing.  I’ve been very lucky to be a part of projects. I’ve certainly created my own projects but some of them have not lasted for a while. I play with a band called Sea of Otters, in Jersey City. They are an alternative rock band playing 90s. I’m by far the young guy, even younger than the founders of the band. Yeah, so I played bass with them. Nick Ciavatta, Sea of Otters is an Italian name, that band goes back to when I was in middle school. I just so happen to live in the neighborhood and met these guys. The leader of that band Nick and I go a long way back, he is also a sound engineer. Music is a weird place like that like an island on the show Lost. You keep finding the same people and keep playing with them and its almost like a vortex that doesn’t let you leave and keep you performing.

The Sensational Blue Wonders

I played with a bunch of other groups as well. Another band I’ve been playing with is The Sensational Blues Wonders, a traditional country group. Recently the singer started writing songs in a different style. Primarily we play classic country music which includes gospel music and stuff. We tend to view these styles through a lens.

Two different bands I play in. One I’m playing upright bass and singing all the high up harmonies.

I’m interested in a lot of different kinds of music. I get bored doing the same kind of things all the time. I now do play bass in a punk rock band called Patatomic and the Bomb. It’s an original project that does some classic punk rock covers but it’s trio. I play bass and sing. It’s real fun, high-energy, punk rock music. Three pretty different projects acutally. That’s the way I like it. It would be nice to work on my own project, but right now it’s difficult to be the driving force to be the musical project that I want to be. So, I’m happy being the side person.  

I don’t really how the bands I’m in formed.  

I mean the history to a band is just as important to how they formed because that is the foundation of what brought them together in the first place.

I feel ignorant to how these bands formed.

I know you’re happy to be on the side but if you had the opportunity to make your own dream, what would it be musically?

Well, there is a lot. My background in graduate school studied classical composition. I wrote a bit in modern classical style, sort of a mix of modern crazy music but also blending that with tunnel language of earlier times. You know, pop music because you can’t deny things that you have heard. I find it funny when composers think they are purists and they are gonna write concert music as opposed to pop music but everything you have heard comes out. So, I certainly would like to get back into doing some form of that. I have a really significant interest in film music and I’ve done a little bit of that. I love collaboration, really. What I didn’t like about classical composition was sitting alone, in solitary and working alone for so long. Having come off a rock band and jazz where you can just write a tune and try out a gig that night, that immediacy is something that I cherish and I like. I don’t know if I would necessary want to just start purely writing classical music again but some kind of hybrid with collaboration with filmmakers and make music in that sense as an element in a larger work or a band or ensemble that I was directing a lot of the music for.

I would need some time in solitude, which actually having children now, would look forward to solitary time to play music. I would just sort of need to have the space to mess around. People make the mistake that they want to get a guitar and write a song. The advantage of doing it as a kid is that you have many opportunities to suck.

I’m hesitant to even project what the project would be. I would hope to collaborate as some kind of composer. I’m interested in just sort of being open to what comes out.

I look forward to it.

Yeah. Hopefully one day soon and not in a galaxy far, far away.

Was there a moment where you felt a sense of empowerment or one that stands out that this was the best moment or the highlight.

That depends. Bass for me means a lot of different genres but also different instruments like electric bass and electric guitar are totally different instruments and moments when I shined on those. The violin bass is primarily that slap bass rock ability country style. A lot of that technique is more about rhythm and feel than in how jazz is trained. It’s just connecting to the music. Yeah, there’s been a couple of shows where I felt like I could do this. I don’t think I ever had that moment as a jazz bass player, I’ve played jazz gigs on and off. I haven’t really experienced that. In electric bass, I have experienced those moments.

This is a strange question but do you think your musical background influence your teaching as a professor?

Oh yeah. Absolutely. You know, being a preforming artist, working with the crowd, working with the room definitely translates in classroom teaching. Certainly, lecturing in which I don’t do in case you haven’t noticed. Good classroom teaching is a lot of give and take. Whatever structure or pedology I give to students, every week students bring back to me and I read their insightful viewpoints, see different music and laugh at their jokes. I get to engage with students and hear the views. I give them feedback based on life experience, as a human, as an artist, as an intellectual/thinker type, as a writer. Particularly having a music or theater background is really important at least in my opinion.

Wow. That’s deep.

Yeah. I think deeply.

https://soundcloud.com/john-warren-8/looking-back-riffs-and-memories

What advice would you give to fellow musicians?

Just do it. I mean, at the end of the day, what inspired me or you to play music. Everyone’s a little bit different. I am definitely an extrovert and not an introvert. You got some song your working on and your friends want to jump on, and sing some tunes. That really loose communal aspect is what is important. If get a guitar, play a few chords and you guys can play some music together, that’s the key.

If you can’t find the joy and pleasure in doing it the basic sense, then there is no point in doing it. If you can’t find that joy, you got to change it up so you can keep doing it.

Wow. Awesome interview. Thank you so much.  How would you like to end this interview?

How would I end this interview?

Yes. I’m giving the floor to you.

Well, I’ll ask you a question.

Oh…shoot… Okay. Fair enough.

If you could have any kind of musical superpower what’s so ever or musical ability, what would you aspire to do yourself?

…That’s a good question. I haven’t really thought much about it.

If you could perform in some way, what would you do?

If I learned how to sing good, that would be good.

That’s the origin of Western music.

Or Christmas carols.

Yeah. We were born with our best instrument. I hope you try at it a little bit.

Yeah. Hopefully. Thank you so much for the interview Professor.

No problem.

(Interview End)

This interview was valuable because it shows the dedication and experience of what it means to be an artist. It’s making music apart of you and in a sense, you are your own instrument. 

[19980115]

Juyeon’s Childhood & School Days

Juyeon has a dad, mom, and a younger brother who is 4 years younger than him. His hometown is in Gwangju city, Gyeonggi province, South Korea. He lived there and went to school in Gyeonggi all the way until he graduated from high school. His dad used to raise two dogs at two different times, a Beagle and a Jindo dog. Both were named Lee Jumong (이주멍, 멍 is a cute way of calling a dog). Eric has seen the beagle one and expressed how Juyeon's hometown is located in such a natural countryside. His brother's name also starts with "Ju", so \"Lee Ju\" has always been a significant part of his family, embodied in the different members of the family. He also used to raise a rabbit and it was kept and fed in front of his house though it didn't have a name. He is very scared of praying mantis because once he accidentally stepped on a praying mantis that was eating an earthworm while playing with his friends... He is more of a cat person and it's not like he doesn't like dogs but when the dogs his dad raised grew bigger, he became scared of them. At his house now, they are raising a Long Coat Chihuahua that used to belong to a hyung (a guy he knows who is older than him) who moved out to the US. The name is Yong-i and that name was given by the previous owner.

Juyeon was rumored to be very good looking when he was young and people around him kept telling him so. Even during Valentine's Day, he would get a lot of snacks from his friends. There was a time that he got 100 Pepero snacks and he had a hard time bringing them back home. His mother really liked these traditions so during White Day she would make Juyeon bring candies to school and give them out to all his classmates. He used to learn Taekwondo until 3rd dan black belt, swimming but stopped before he learned butterfly style, and piano classes just for a bit. He also used to be good in Math, even getting 100 marks a lot, but it only lasted until junior high, after which he picked up basketball. During his primary school days (Chowol Primary School), Juyeon was the class president from 1st to 4th grade. In 5th grade he decided he won't be the class president anymore, but in 6th grade he became the school's president instead. He said that he used to be really smart and diligent at studying. Even during such a young age, he already really liked Bigbang and DBSK. He even already had Cyworld (Korean SNS) account since his junior year and his BGM was Last Farewell by Bigbang. He said at that time no other kids knew Bigbang or DBSK, it's just him (ㅋㅋㅋ)

The relationship of their family is very good, although after his grandmother passed away, they barely had time to get together. That's why he was very happy when they all went out to eat together during Chuseok in 2017 because it has been such a long time that they got together. He also ate together with his family and went to the sauna with his brother during Christmas in 2017. His hometown is a Greenbelt area, which means that there are restrictions on urbanization. It was in the mountains and there are a lot of hills. Near his house, there is a Vietnamese restaurant called “Phosai” that he frequents, especially for the rice noodles. He used to go fishing with his father in the valleys a lot and said that he always let the fish go after catching them because he feels bad for them. On top of that, his father used to take him around to find places to stargaze. His hometown has very little light pollution so the stars are extremely visible and he can even point out the Cassiopeia constellation with naked eyes. He's always really liked observing the sky. He is extremely close with his younger brother, Juhwan. They go out together a lot (just the two of them) and spend holidays in many different places (ski place and beach resort). They would also go to sauna rooms a lot and spend time there. During break a few months ago, his brother was just nearby when he went out with Jacob and Eric, so Juyeon called his brother to come over and they went to play sports together in a place named Sports Monster. As the oldest son, he felt that he received a lot of benefits and even felt sorry for his younger brother because Juyeon was able to do everything he wanted to his brother.

Juyeon's mother seems to love teasing or tricking him. Juyeon would actually believe every single thing his mom told him (such a filial and obedient son), even if it's actually really nonsensical... His mother used to feed him every morning until primary school grade 3~4. He said in the morning he's always very tired so even while being fed he would fall asleep. His Chinese zodiac is actually ox and not tiger, but he was a part of the Tiger VLIVE with Chanhee and Changmin so fans tried to ask and tell him in fansigns that his zodiac is cow but he replied with "But... mom said that... I'm Tiger...". Other fans talked about it to him after that and he said "Yeah... I heard that my zodiac is actually ox...". He seemed very sad about it because he really liked his Tiger zodiac... So fans have kind of given up and let him just think of his zodiac as Tiger. However, when fans gave him tiger-related accessories lately, he said that his Chinese zodiac is ox and even though fans convinced and reassured him he is a Tiger-born, he still insisted that he knew that he is Ox-born and that he was tricked by his mom. His parents once said that if Juyeon was a girl, they would have named him Jusoon. The fan whom he told about this was skeptical and asked if it isn't something that they just made up at the time, but he really believed that it was the truth. When Juyeon was in kindergarten, his teacher just told him about the Slit-mouthed Woman ghost. His mother once told him that she saw the ghost on the alley before. He had to walk back alone around 2-3 PM and he was so scared that he started humming out loud a made up song. Juyeon's mom's pregnancy dream was that she saw a tree full of ripe grapes and she picked all of the grapes His first memory was also related to his mom, when he was walking with his mother and came across a cat. He was scared at the time because of how the cat looked like but now he become very fond of cats and wants to raise a cool and chic type. The types he has mentioned are Turkish Angora, Scottish Fold, and Russian Blue cats.

He said that he was active and a bit on the playful and even the naughty side. He went to the amusement parks a lot and even had an annual membership in Lotte World. Because of that, he said he is very good with rides and his favourite is Gyro Drop. They have a garden in their house so he would play there a lot when he was young. Juyeon easily believed things that people told him. He used to believe that Santa existed until when he went to kindergarten, the kids there kept telling him that it doesn't exist but he didn't want to believe it and kept saying "No, that's not true, that's not true!". Juyeon even believed the myth that dragons live inside and can appear out of wells. In Juyeon's house, there used to be a lot of Hello Kitty dolls and that's why he got familiar with the character. Even his small desk (the one that you can fold) had a Hello Kitty image on it... There's an entertainment area called Yatap in Gyeonggi province and he used to go to the cinema there a lot to watch movies. He said it's so big (but according to the fan who shared this story, it actually isn't big at all... it's even on the smaller side). Juyeon has always really liked white milk from a young age, even until now. The brand that he used to drink is "Einstein". He said that he's always been tall since he was young even though his parents aren't on the taller side but his growth stopped at one point because he couldn't sleep well. His childhood dream was to become a pilot, and even until now a superpower he wants to gain is to be able to fly and he also once said that he wants be reborn as a vulture since it is strong and possesses a wide field of vision when flying.

Juyeon has always been quite popular in his school days. During high school, seniors would come to his class just to see him and sometimes when he walks in the corridors there would be juniors whispering to each other about how good-looking he is. His friend said that he used to receive a lot of confessions and gifts. He treats both his boy and girl classmates very nicely and equally so everyone was fond of him, especially because he laughs easily to everyone's jokes. Whenever his friends ask him to do something/go out together he would always agree right away. In the spring, the cherry blossom trees inside his school would be in full bloom and usually the students would go outside and not have class to enjoy the view and even take pictures together with the teachers. He would spend breaks talking with his friends or playing basketball. Since his high school did not serve meat, he didn’t really enjoy the meals but bought pizza bread regularly and ate them. Because of that as well, during lunch time that lasted for an hour, he would instead play basketball for 55 minutes and ran to eat for only 5 minutes.

He used to lead his class for the regular sports competition in his school for basketball and gained first place. He said he worked and practiced really hard for competitions, and so one of his best memories was when he scored a buzzer beater (scored right when the time left turns 0 second and match ends) during a competition in his province. He even received two MVP titles, one of which was in national competition. Juyeon would go to other schools to play basketball and his favourite seat in the class was the furthest at the back right beside the window because he likes watching students from other classes play basketball and football. He used to play as Small Forward, but lately he’s changed position to Shooting Guard. He used to really like Cleveland Cavaliers because both his favourite players, Kyrie Irving and LeBron James were in it, but because they transferred respectively to Boston Celtics and L.A Lakers, he also changed the teams that he supports. His favourite manga & anime is Slam Dunk, as he read the manga more than 3 times and watched the anime for more than 5 times. His favourite characters are Rukawa Kaede and Hisashi Mitsui. His number in The Boyz (11) is taken from the back number of Kyrie Irving in Boston Celtics, Rukawa Kaede in Slam Dunk, and his when he used to play basketball, as he thought of it as an ace number. The members also said he watches a lot of basketball videos, probably even more than he watches The Boyz videos, and that he is the one who plays the game console a lot especially NBA 2K. He used to join a choir group but dropped out only after two days.

Juyeon has always been known as someone who's conceptual and full of ideas (thinking type) by his friend and his speech is also very neat and proper. Rather than obsessing over him, lots of his friends had an admiration towards him like "Wah... Lee Juyeon... You're really...", that kind of feeling. This admiration especially comes from the fact that he was a trainee (starting from 2nd year of highschool, around mid-2015. His class in 2nd grade was Class #3). Juyeon was excused from classes sometimes because he had to practice but whenever he went to school, he never fell asleep, always wore his uniform properly, and finished all his exams. Because of that also he barely ate lunch in the school. His friend said that they never heard him curse. When he went to school he would wear earphones and sometimes bring a book and read it in school. He came across the book he reviewed in one of his individual broadcasts, Knulp by Hermann Hesse, after reading Demian, written by the same author during high school. Once when his class had Physical Education lesson in the gym, one of Juyeon's friends tripped and almost fell but he quickly grabbed his friend. Because of that he received a lot of compliments and his friend said it is a story that everyone in the class would remember. Juyeon is close to his History teacher who was also his homeroom teacher, who encouraged him to continue pursuing the path of becoming an idol when he was doubtful of it. He is also close to his Geography teacher with whom he consulted a lot about his problems. His favourite subjects were History, Physical Education, and English, especially because his English teacher was a really good teacher who knew how to make the class enjoyable. During KSAT, he took Korean History for the Social Science requirement. His teacher said he was a really cute and kind student. He is now attending university online, and said he has been listening to the courses well and enjoying them a lot as well as doing the works in the midst of the busy schedule, though he is not allowed to reveal his major.

Translated and compiled by @deobjeu / 19980115.tumblr.com. Please do not re-post to any other platform or re-translate into other language.

[vxltrxn-imagines]

The Voltrons- Heathers AU- KeithxReader

(A/N: Hey guys! Mod Pidge here! I’m so happy to be beginning this project. Some notes before we begin.

Yes, some characters will be majorly OOC. I tried to fit people as best as I saw fit and possible with their personalities, but due to the fact this is an AU following Heathers: The Musical some characters will have to be OOC. One primary example of this is Shiro as Heather Chandler. I chose Shiro as Heather because of the fact he is a natural born leader and a lot of people look up to him. Due to this, he will be bitchier and sassier than regular Shiro. I am editing and changing lines not only to fit the AU, but to try to fit lines the best way to characters too.

Not every scene will happen the same way as the musical, I am still trying to make this my own story as well. As such and because of reasons also stated above, some characters will have different thoughts and ambitions than their musical counterparts. The overall theme will be the same but some lines will be different (don't worry, “Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw” will be the same ;p)

As seen from the above note this is a MATURE SERIES. Heathers is a musical that deals with teen suicide, bullying, homophobia, gun violence, murder and a very mature scene featuring two characters having sex. While this is done in a comedic way throughout, it still isn’t meant for those who won’t be able to handle it.

I hope you all enjoy this series! If you have any questions or comments at any point feel free to send in any questions! I love getting asks <33

PS: Really sorry this first chapter took so long to write, given the fact that Beautiful is an 8 minute song it would naturally take longer to edit, plus I wanted to edit out the parts of her talking to the audience since it wouldn’t make sense in a story like this and had to find a way to replace those information moments. This first chapter alone is 9 pages in Google Docs)

Chapter 1- Beautiful (Y/N) sighed as she woke up. It was the first day of her senior year, and while many would be happy about this, she felt numb and normal. Why? Well, Garrison High wasn’t exactly the best high school. The kids there were just..cruel. (Y/N) walked to school and pulled out her diary as she sat on the stairs to write in it,

“September 1st, 1989. Dear Diary: I believe I'm a good person. Ya know, I think there's good in everyone, but here we are first day of senior year. I look around at all these kids I've known all my life and I ask myself: What happened?” She pondered as she looked up from her diary as kids were walking on, calling out insults to each other as the passed in the hallway,

“Freak! Slut! Burnout! Bug-eyes! Poser! Lard-ass!” They all yelled as (Y/N) shook her head and continued to write, trying her best to remain in her own little world,

“We were so tiny, happy and shiny, playing tag and getting chased.”

“Freak! Slut! Loser! Shortbus!” The yells of her fellow students once again distracted her as she continued writing,

“Singing and clapping, laughing and napping, baking cookies, eating paste.”

“Bull-dyke! Stuck-up! Hunchback!”

“Then we got bigger, That was the trigger, Like the Huns invading Rome” She was about to write more before someone rammed into her on the stairs, despite not being at fault she yelled out, “Sorry!” Before she stood up and started to write now, acting as if she was still writing in her head, “Welcome to my school, This ain't no high school: This is the Thunderdome. Hold your breath and count the days, we're graduating soon.”

“White trash!” Some kids yelled at her as she passed, causing her to sigh internally before continuing (A/N: Sorry if you’re not white I always just interrupted that line as being yelled at Veronica!)

“College will be paradise If I'm not dead by June!” She sighed, before changing her mood and smiling, “But I know, I know, life can be beautiful. I pray, I pray for a better way. If we changed back then, we could change again. We can be beautiful…” She was about to continue internally until she saw a popular shoving someone to the floor, “Just not today.” She finished before running to see the kid who was now on the floor,

“Hey, are you okay?” She asked, offering a hand to help him up, before he helped himself up and yelled in her face,

“Get away, nerd!!” “O-Oh. Okay..” She walked to the cafeteria upset, not understanding why no one around here ever accepted or wanted her help.

“Freak! Slut! Cripple! Homo! Homo! Homo!” The kids in the cafeteria were yelling, causing (Y/N) to roll her eyes at Homo being used as an insult, before she started writing in her diary again as she was waiting in the lunch line,

“Things will get better soon as my letter comes from Harvard, Duke, or Brown. Wake from this coma, take my diploma, then I can blow this town.” She shook her head softly as she continued, “Dream of my ivy-covered walls and smoky French cafes…” Again she was interrupted by someone bumping into her, only this time it was the popular linebacker, Ram Sweeney,

“Watch it!” He yelled at her as (Y/N) breathed through her nose, her anger getting to her more now, “Fight the urge to strike a match and send this dump ablaze!” She was ready to act like nothing happened, until Ram pushed her tray into the air, 

“Ooooops.” He said with a smirk as he started to turn around and walk away, until (Y/N) called after him.

“Hey! Stop being such a huge dick!!” She yelled, causing Ram to turn back around and get up close and threateningly to her,

“What did you say to me skank!?” He yelled in her face, causing (Y/N) to flinch scared and back down, “N-Nothing!” “That’s what I thought!” He shoved her slightly again as he walked away and (Y/N) picked up her diary again,

“But I know, I know, I know... Life can be beautiful. I pray, I pray, I pray For a better way. We were kind before; we can be kind once more. We can be beautiful…” She continued before she felt a tap on her shoulder and turned around to see her best friend,

“Hunk! Hey!” She hugged him softly,

“We still on for food night?” He asked sofly “Yeah! You’re on recipe detail!” “Great! I found a new recipe for cake pops!” “Again? Haven’t you tried them all by now?” “What can I say? I’m a sucker for things on sticks” (Y/N) was about to giggle and respond before the quarterback and “smartest guy on the football team” came up to them and yelled,

“Hunk Garbagetruck!! Wide load!! Ha ha!” He yelled as he slammed poor Hunk’s tray on the ground, causing (Y/N) to snap,

“Hey! Pick that up right now!” She yelled “I'm sorry, are you actually talking to me?” He tilted his head intimidatingly,

“Yes, I am. I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on my friend? You're a high school has-been waiting to happen. A future gas station attendant!” (Y/N) responded without missing a beat but started to get more nervous as Kurt approached her more

“...You have a zit right there! Ha ha!” He walked off proudly as (Y/N) shook her head and started writing in her diary again

“Dear diary: why.... Why do they hate me? Why don't I fight back? Why does he act like such a creep? Why won't she date him? Why did he hit him? Why do I cry myself to sleep? Somebody hug us! Somebody fix us! Somebody save us! Send us a sign, God! Give us some hope here! Something to live for”

(Y/N) had finished just in time to see all the kids fawning as three people strutted into the room

“Ah! Shiro, Pidge, and Lance!” (Y/N) shook her head softly at everyone fawning as she sketched out a quick sketch of the three in her diary, and wrote down her thoughts about them as the kids continued fawning around her

“Then there's the Voltrons. They float above it all.”

“I love Shiro, Pidge, and Lance.”

“Lance McClaine. Made Head cheerleader despite being a male. His dad's loaded - he sells engagement rings.”

“I hate Shiro, Pidge, and Lance!”

“Pidge Gunderson. Runs the yearbook. No discernible personality, but her mom did pay for implants.”

“I want Shiro, Pidge, and Lance!”

“And Takashi Shirogane, The Almighty...He is a mythic bitch. They are solid Teflon - never bothered, never harassed. I would give anything to be like that..” She finished her writing as the bell rang, and she followed The Voltrons into the CoEd bathroom. She heard the sound of vomiting, and figured it was probably Pidge. The poor girl had bulimia, and hardly anyone seemed to actually care. (Y/N) hide behind a stall and started writing something as she listened into the conversation that was now happening,  

“Grow up, Pidge. Bulimia is so '87.” Shiro called out as he worked on perfecting his eyeliner

“Maybe you should see a doctor, Pidge.” Lance said as he looked sympathetically towards the stall Pidge was in.

“Yeah, Lance. Maybe I should.” She replied weakly. As she replied, a teacher, Ms Allura, walked in,

“Ah, Shiro and Lance.” She started, as the sound of Pidge vomiting erupted again, “... and Pidge. Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting. You're late for class.” She called, as (Y/N) was silently grateful that she had been prepared for this situation, and was ready to come out when the time called for it,

“Pidge wasn't feeling well. We're helping her.” Shiro replied with his arms crossed, causing Allura to chuckle softly, not backing down,

“Not without a hall pass you're not. A week's detention.” She said causing the Voltrons to roll their eyes as Pidge emerged from the stall and (Y/N) came out from her hiding spot,

“Actually, Ms. Allura, all four of us are out on a hall pass. Yearbook committee.” She held out a piece of paper and Ms Allura took it to examine it,

“I see you're all listed. Hurry up and get where you're going.” She said as she started to hand back the hall pass to (Y/N) before Shiro intercepted it to examine it with the rest of the Voltrons behind him,

“This is an excellent forgery. Who are you?” He asked,

“U-Uh (Y/N) (L-L/N). I crave a boon.”

“What boon?” Shiro asked with his arms folded,

“Let me sit at your table at lunch. Just once. No talking necessary.

If people think you guys tolerate me, they'll leave me alone....” (Y/N) started as the Voltrons started to erupt in laughter and walk away before (Y/N) continued with something that grabbed their attention, “Before you answer, I also do report cards, permission slips and absence notes.”

“How about prescriptions?” Pidge asked, stepping out of her position from behind Shiro slightly.

“Shut up, Pidge!”

“Sorry, Shiro…” Pidge got back in her place as Shiro examined (Y/N) who was standing still in front of him, wondering why he was examining her so closely,

“For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure.” He mused, as Lance stepped out of place to join in on it,

“And a symmetrical face. If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull,

I'd have matching halves. That's very important.” He said, patting (Y/N)’s back softly as he finished

“Of course, you could stand to lose a few pounds.” Pidge mused as she walked in a small circle around her. Shiro smirked and started singing softly,

“And ya know, ya know, ya know? This could be beautiful. Mascara, maybe some lip gloss, and we're on our way. Get this girl some blush; And Lance, I need your brush. Let's make her beautiful.”

“Let's make her beautiful” Pidge joined in before Lance did too,

“Let's make her beautiful.”

“Make her beautiful... Okay?” Shiro asked, but it wasn’t really a question, and (Y/N) nodded,

“Okay!”

A day passed, and it was now lunch again. Things were going as usual, everyone yelling and insulting and pushing each other, until Ms Allura made an observation,

“Who's that with Shiro?” Everyone’s heads snapped up as they all started watching the door anxiously to get a better look at this mysterious person,

“Whoa! Shiro, Pidge, Lance... And... someone! Shiro, Pidge, Lance... And a babe! Shiro, Pidge, Lance…” They all were confused and were about to state their confusion again until Hunk was able to recognize who this was,

“(Y/N)!?” He exclaimed, shocked that his best friend he’s known his entire life was now drop dead gorgeous. (Y/N) nodded towards him, before she burst into song out of happiness,

“And ya know, ya know, ya know life can be beautiful. You hope, you dream, you pray, and you get your way! Ask me how it feels looking like hell on wheels... My God, it's beautiful! I might be beautiful And when you're beautiful... It's a beautiful frickin' day!” 

“Shiro! Pidge! Lance! (Y/N)! Shiro! Pidge! Lance! (Y/N)! (Y/N)! (Y/N)! (Y/N)! (Y/N)!” The kids around them all had started cheering, as (Y/N) was practically jumping up and down in joy. This was the start of a new day, and a new life. Maybe Senior Year wasn’t going to be all that bad.

[especia-va-bien]

Billboard JAPAN: Especia Disbandment Interview - Mia Nascimento

Original article published on Billboard JAPAN (15 February 2017)

Interviewed by Tetsuo Hiraga Photography: Kenta Sotobayashi

Translated by @especia-va-bien

This interview was conducted the day after Especia made “an important announcement about the group’s activity”. The three of them were able to spill out their thoughts and feelings which they have kept to themselves and their aspirations with the little time they have left together. This is a message from Especia to those who love them, to those who once loved them, and to those who may like them in the future. We hope that you can open your hearts and accept this.

Mia Nascimento Interview: “I’d be extremely upset if it all ended without anyone knowing a thing about me”

It’s only been a day since Especia announced their disbandment, but this is also our first interview. Could you tell us about how you joined the group?

Mia: “I’ve loved singing ever since I was young. I’ve been part of a group at the church I’ve always been going to.”

Like a gospel choir?

Mia: “Yeah. I’ve been singing with them since I was 3. I decided to audition for Especia since I’ve always wanted to perform in front of a larger audience. I was so happy when I got accepted into the group. I remember telling my mother about the news while crying.”

Did you audition for a bunch of other things before trying out for Especia?

Mia: “I didn’t. My audition for Especia was my very first.”

However, before you joined Especia, there were three other original members who graduated. Did it bother you that there was a bit of ruckus when you joined?

Mia: “Oh right (laughs)! I was more overjoyed that I got to debut that I didn’t take any mind of it.”

How did you feel after finally being able to debut?

Mia: “It affirmed my belief that I truly love singing. But I was extremely nervous during my first performance that my mind went blank and I can’t remember much about it. My legs were trembling so much that I thought that I should just stay backstage and let the performance end without me being in it (laughs). I was worried about not being able to sing well or about how people would or would not accept me. But I had so much fun after my first performance that I wanted to do it every day. I really love performing.”

What was the reaction from the audience during your first performance?

Mia: “They were probably all surprised that the new member was a foreigner (laughs)! I mean, since my name’s written in katakana and all.”

But you’ve always lived in Japan, right?

Mia: My mother and father are Brazilian, but I was born and raised in Japan. I’ve been going to a regular Japanese high school since primary school, so I can speak fluent Japanese.

What sort of music did you listen to growing up?

Mia: “I love guitars and I play it myself. I listen to a lot of acoustic pop like YUI and miwa.”

Have you had much experience of dance, since Especia’s dancing vocal group?

Mia: “No. While I usually dance around while I sing on my own, I’ve never had any formal training for either. I’ve learnt everything from scratch since joining Especia.

I had the opportunity to watch you perform at the end of last year. Even within the small time frame, I feel like you’ve been able to strengthen your singing and dancing skills quite a bit.

Mia: “Really? It makes me happy hearing that.”

I’d like to ask you about Especia’s two original members Haruka Tominaga and Erika Mori who you’ve been working together with for the last half year. What sort of people do they mean to you?

Mia: “To me, both of them are like my older sisters. They give me advice on a lot of things, are always there to lend an ear, and we often go out and eat. They’re really like my older sisters! I’m so grateful for them. I look up to Eri-chan (Erika Mori) and her dancing, and I look up to Kacho (Haruka Tominaga) and her singing. I want to be able to sing and dance just like them.”

So, could you tell us what sort of member Mia Nascimento is in Especia?

Mia: “Mia Nascimento is… someone who’s always very loud and chatty when rehearsing, and I feel is always bothering everyone else (laughs). I walk into rehearsals seeing them sing and dance with much calm and composure and the moment I step in… it just becomes noisy.”

So you’re the noisy member (laughs)?

Mia: “I think I am quite a bit (laughs).”

What was it like being a part of Especia half a year before the group’s disbandment was announced?

Mia: “It just went by like that. Each day went by so quickly that I just wished that I could be a part of Especia longer…”

The group will be disbanding in March of this year. How did you feel when you heard about the decision to disband?

Mia: “I was shocked. So shocked that I was speechless.”

At that point in time, what did Especia mean to you?

Mia: “Hmm… Especia was like a family to me since I’ve always had so much fun being with them.”

So do you feel frustrated that you’re disbanding?

Mia: “It is honestly frustrating. The reality of disbanding really hit me when the official announcement was made. I feel conflicted about it; it’s complicated.”

What sort of mood would you like to have during the group’s final days?

Mia: “I want to be able to keep smiling until the very end.”

It would be upsetting and bittersweet though…

Mia: “I’ll put on a smile then!”

Why are you thinking that way?

Mia: “I want smile until the very last moment… because I want everyone to be smiling as well.”

What sorts of things have you learnt from Especia?

Mia: “I’ve learnt a lot about performing and singing under the guidance of professionals, and the other members give me a lot of different advice. Even though it might only be a bit, but I feel that I have grown. Especia has affirmed my love for singing, thus enabling me to learn a lot along the way.”

What do the fans mean to you?

Mia: “I am grateful for our fans for all sorts of things. I’ve received a lot of encouraging words from fan letters which make me want to keep trying my best. I make sure that I meet eyes with each of our fans when I’m performing… I love them.”

What was on your mind about the fans when the disbandment was decided?

Mia: “I simultaneously felt both grateful for them and apologetic to them. Even though we’re disbanding, I hope to make other opportunities in the future to be able to sing before everyone again.”

What are you hoping to do after Especia disbands?

Mia: “Well, even after Especia disbands, I want to be able to stay in the music and entertainment industry if given the opportunity.”

Could you tell us about what sort of fans you mostly have?

Mia: “Hmm… We don’t do handshake events so I’ve never had any direct communication with them. So I’m probably a ‘mysterious figure’ or something (laughs).”

That’d be terrible disbanding while remaining shrouded in the mist as a ‘mysterious figure’ (laughs).

Mia: Yeah!

It’s gonna be a huge mission to cast away that air of mystery surrounding you while you still have the chance, so that you’ll be able to continue your own activities after Especia disbands.

Mia: “What should I do?”

Don’t you make sure you tell a bit about yourself in interviews like this?

Mia: “Actually, this is my first ever actual interview!”

Hold on, what!? Your first ever interview is this one for your disbandment!? Has something like this ever been done before!?

Mia: “(Laughs).”

I can’t believe you’ve got no choice but to talk about your disbandment in your first ever interview (laughs)! This might be an odd question, but since this will be getting some relative attention as it’s about the group’s disbandment, could you tell our readers about the dynamic Ms Mia Nascimento? What are some things you’d like to do?

Mia: “I’d like to put more of myself forward so that people know what sort of person I am.”

Okay, let’s use this interview as an opportunity to tell the readers about yourself. What sort of person do you think you are?

Mia: “I’ve always loved singing even before I debuted. I would always been singing and dancing wherever I go. Also, I was also a chatterbox who’s always hyper and cheerful (laughs). I’ve loved singing ever since I could remember, but I loved learning K-Pop dance routines in their entirety ever since it became big when I was in primary school. I’d learn the dances and dance to my friends. Also I’ve performed at my school’s recitals singing and playing back number’s songs with my guitar. I’ve also sung YUI’s Good-bye days as well.”

Was that when you started feeling the joy of performing in front of others?

Mia: “Yes. I started wanting to actively pursue music. That’s when I decided to audition for Especia after I started high school.”

And like that, you joined Especia. What sort of dreams or aspirations did you have at the time?

Mia: “I wanted to have a lot of performance or get offers on radio and other things. But I also wished that I’d be big enough to go on television.”

This just occurred to me, but isn’t it unusual to be still considered a ‘mysterious figure’ despite only joining half a year before disbanding? In some ways you can use this as a selling point after Especia disbands. Like, ‘I had my first ever interview the day after we announced our disbandment’.

Mia: “Hahahaha!”

Even though that was quite a bleak way of looking at it, I feel like you’ve got a bright future ahead of you since you’re able to just laugh it all off (laughs).

Mia: “Yeah. There aren’t many people like that, hey?”

This is also a first for me; interviewing a person for the first time the day after they announced their disbandment.

Mia: “Is that so (laughs)?”

What sort of mark would you like to leave behind during Especia’s final days?

Mia: “Personally, I want fans to be able to think that this current Especia is the greatest they’ve ever been. I’d like to give it my all so that I can make that thought a reality.”

However, the five-membered Especia before you joined left such a strong impression. Contrastingly, have you always wanted to prove that, ‘No, this three-membered Especia is actually the best’?

Mia: “Actually, I’ve always thought that. We’ve changed directions from what the group was like with five members, transforming into a completely different Especia. I want people to also come and see this new Especia as well. But there are only about two months left, so I’d love it for people to who haven’t seen us to come down and take a look.”

In that sense, you don’t want it to be a depressing final two months, but rather you want these two months to be a battle to let people know about this current Especia. And the key personnel of this mission is you, Mia Nascimento, who have made your appearance in Especia’s final chapter.

Mia: “I hope I can achieve that. I want to do my best! I would just love it if fans who left after the five-membered era ended to come and see us perform even just once. I want them to make their judgement only after they see this new three-membered Especia in the flesh. I’m also a member of Especia, so I’d be extremely upset if it all ended without anyone knowing a thing about me… So please, come and see us live, even just once.”

Finally, could you give the Pecisto (Especia’s fans) one final message.

Mia: “Even though it’s truly only been for a short period of time, I am truly thankful for your support of Especia, and of me. I want to work hard and do my best with a smile until the very, very end. If you haven’t watched us live, I would love it if you could at least make the journey down once. I hope you can keep watching over us.”

[unadulteratedrebelrunaway]

O'HARE VERSUS THE PRESIDENT

[9/4/18].

           The music starts on the television set, and it is tuned into the highest rated network on television.  The theme song is for the O'Hare Factor, and the host is one of the most controversial and well known personalities on television.

           Phil O'Hare is smiling at the camera with a grin that is both strong willed and as cold as ice.  A man can practically keep time to it.  His blue eyes pierce through the viewers with a focused concentration worthy of an inquisitor.

           "Welcome, folks.  This is Phil O'Hare, and this is the highest rated show on television because we always deliver the most accurate and pertinent news for you.  We always offer a fair and balanced approach on these shows, and we are glad that America appreciates the way we do business, which is the right way to do business.  It should be the only way to tell the story, but unfortunately, our media is saturated with a deliberate liberal bias that exists only to favor the far left.  I wished I could say things worked otherwise, but I'm here to do my job, which benefits all you people out there.  Speaking of which, my guest today is one of the most liberal presidents who have ever existed.  I never voted for him, and I never will, but I still respect the man and his opinions, even though he's wrong, because I am a fair and balanced man that always listens to the other side of the argument, provided the other side agrees with me.  Ladies and gentleman, kids too, can we give a warm and generous welcome to President Bahama?"

           Bahama walks out on stage with an air of confidence that few men possess.   He is completely unphased by the crowd's hostility.  He shakes hand with Phil.  "Pleased to meet you.  Always a pleasure."

           "Have a seat, Mr. President," says Phil.  "Should I call you Mr.?"

           "You don't have to call me that," says Bahama.

           "What should I call you?" says Phil.

           "You could call me Doctor President since I have a doctorate," says Bahama.

           "You could call me Master O'Hare, but that would make me feel weird, like I'm supposed to be Batman or something," says Phil.  "Call me Phil.  Are you serious?  Do you really want me to call you, what?  Doctor Bahama?  It makes me feel like you should be wearing a white lab coat and a stethoscope."

           "No," says Bahama.  "I'm just kidding.  My first name might be easy to pronounce but you would be surprised how many people misspell it, so just call me Bahama.  I don't want to embarrass your teleprompter."

           "I think even a simple man like myself, who's worked for everything he ever had, who earned a Master's degree while painting houses, could remember that," says Phil.  "You do know I paid for college painting houses, right?"

           Bahama chuckles.  "I know you worked real hard for your degree, but nobody ever paid for college by painting houses all summer."

           "I did," says Phil.

           "You paid for graduate school painting houses?" says Bahama.  "You must have made some serious money, even back then.  Why didn't you just go into business on a professional basis and make your living painting houses?"

           "It wasn't something I wanted to do," says Phil.  "I figured I was meant for something better and more important, like what I'm doing right now."

           "You got that right," says Bahama.  "Good answer."

           "Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about poverty in general," says Phil.  "I have never heard you say in any of your speeches, I have never heard you talk about preserving the family unit.  I have never heard you address the problem of absentee fathers who are always leaving the family, for whatever reason, like getting drunk and playing the lottery so they can get rich and find a new girlfriend."

           "Before I go through the details of what you just said, I address the family as being vital to society, and as a possible mitigating factor in the elimination of poverty in every speech I have ever given," says Bahama.  "You should listen to one of my speeches sometime and stop tuning out what you don't want to hear."

           "I am extremely objective," says Phil. "After all, you ought to pay attention and read what my show is called sometime."

           Bahama chuckles.  "Okay."

           "What do you think causes this?" says Phil. "I say it is a lack of moral fiber, but what's your take on this?"

           "Be more specific," says Bahama.

           "I'll try to be more specific, the only trouble is I don't know how I can be more specific, but I'll try," says Phil. "Do you think the real reason for the breakup of the family unit, and I think we agree that the family unit is central to the elimination of poverty--."

           "Uh-huh," says Bahama.

           "Do you think," says Phil as he starts to point his pencil in the air, illustrating a point, "do you think, that the primary cause of a father leaving his family is a lack of moral fiber?"

           "There are several causes," says Bahama.

           "Oh yes," says Phil.  "Yes there are, but I'm not asking about numerous causes. I'm only asking if you think that the primary reason why a father deserts his family is because, let's just say, he wants to go out and realize his boyhood dreams because he hates staying home, making an honest living, like in a factory, and exercising a little something I was brought up on called responsibility?"

           "You're saying that moral responsibility is the primary factor," says Bahama.  "Yes, it is important, but there are other reasons that contribute--."

           "But my father never deserted me or my family," says Phil.  "He was an upstanding man because he had morals."

           "Can I ask you a couple of questions first?" says Phil.

           "Shoot," says Phil.

           "Okay," says Bahama.  "Your father was a college professor."

           "Right," says Phil.

           "He was a tenured professor, so they couldn't fire him," says Bahama.

           "I don't see what that has to do with anything, but yes he was, because he deserved it," says Phil.

           "You lived in a house in the suburbs," says Bahama.  "I believe your home was paid off when you were quite young, right?"

           "I'm pretty sure it was," says Phil.

           "Now, your father had the opportunity," says Bahama.

           "That was because my father created his own opportunities," says Phil.

           "Yes, well your father had the opportunity to become a professor because the school he worked at was there in the first place," says Bahama.

           "If it wasn't then he would have found another school," says Phil.

           "What if there wasn't?" says Bahama.

           "Don't be ridiculous," says Phil.  "There are thousands of schools across this great land.  How could there not be a school for my dad to secure an opportunity with?"

           "I'm not saying that," says Bahama.  "What if they wouldn't hire him because of his skin color?"

           "That's even more ridiculous," says Phil.

           "Try and follow me here," says Bahama.  "You know this country has a historical problem when it comes to race relations, don't you?"

           "Now you're just digging up the past," says Phil.  "Over one hundred years ago, we fought a great war to end slavery."

           "I'm not just talking about that," says Bahama. "I'm talking about tribalism, and how African Americans are a minority in this country."

           "Okay," says Phil.  "I'll follow."

           "Now, you know that racism existed in the first place because of tribalism?" says Bahama.

           Phil nods in agreement.

           "Now, we still have tribalism, and we probably always will," says Bahama.  "I wished we could get rid of it worse than you would like to, but it is probably always going to be here.  Take it my word for it.  I hate racism more than you do."

           "I get what you're saying, but I still don't see how any of this is relevant to our discussion," says Phil.

           "Phil, you're Irish, right?" says Bahama.

           Phil folds his arms across his chest. "And proud of it."

           "When your ancestors first came here, oh, probably in the late 1800′s, they were treated with the utmost discrimination at the time, weren't they?" says Bahama.

           "Yes," says Phil.  "I know all about racism and discrimination because I happen to be the offspring of immigrants."

           "We all are, except for the First Nations," says Bahama.

           "Yes, but like me my ancestors had moral fiber, they worked hard and intelligently, they persisted, and they overcame, so to speak. I probably wouldn't be here today if I didn't come from a long line of industrious and moral people."

           "But your skin color is the same as an Englishman, a German, or any other person of northern European descent," says Bahama. "You're skin is white.  But what if it was different from everybody else?"

           "It's not," says Phil.

           "What if it was?" says Bahama.  "You see, there have been many people in Hollywood who had to change their names in years past.  Many Jewish people, back when we were Anti-Semitic.  Many of our greatest entertainers never would have been given a chance to entertain us.  I'll assume that you feel you have benefited from many of those great actors. Am I right?"

           "So what you're saying is, I've benefited from many of these Jewish performers, but I never would have experienced those benefits if they never would have become professional actors, all because their names were Jewish?" says Phil.  "My ancestors never had to change their names just because they had O's and Mc's at the beginning.  That disproves what you're saying."

           "Phil, you're people blended in with the native crowd once you got past the first generation," says Bahama.  "Your skin color, language, and ethnic customs were no different from those of the native population.  I mentioned Jewish people, on the other hand, who are usually white, but then you have to remember that many Germans, many Polish, many Italians, also changed their names, especially those of Eastern European descent.  Most people couldn't even pronounce or spell their names right, much let alone become friends with any of them."

           "Yeah, but my people never had to change their names," says Bahama.

           "Actually, many of them have," says Bahama.  "There are numerous accounts of Irish people dropping the O's and the Mc's because of discrimination.  You see, people like people who are similar to them."

           "Yes," says Phil.  "I see you're coming around and finally admitting that my people are a minority who were discriminated against, kind of like black people."

           "A white person can change their name to assimilate but a black man can change his name to William Howard Taft, or Franklin Delano Roosevelt, or even Abe Lincoln or George Washington, but everything else will still be exactly the same," says Bahama.

           "I see what you're saying, but we're no longer racist," says Phil.

           "We are," says Bahama..

           "What I'm saying is we are no longer as racist," says Phil.

           "Saying we are no longer as racist is like saying the New York Yankees are a bad team because they are no longer winning the World Series every year," says Bahama.

           "Don't you think that's an unfair analogy?" says Phil.

           "Or taking somebody out of a burning building and placing them into an oven that's set at 250 degrees Fahrenheit," says Bahama.  "They're no longer being broiled, but they're still getting cooked alive."

           "Oh come off it," says Phil.  "That was all hundreds of years ago."

           "I want to redirect the topic here," says Bahama.  "We started off talking about the possibility of eliminating poverty."

           "And you turned it into a race issue," says Phil.

           "Race is relevant to the topic, but there are numerous white people, along with other races and ethnicities, who live below the poverty line," says Bahama.  "Before I go into that, I'll just say that if your father's skin didn't quite match up with what most other people had; life would have turned out very different for him, you, and the rest of your family."

           "He got it because he was moralistic and he worked hard," says Phil.

           "The thing I want to point out is people need opportunity," says Bahama.  "If there was a stronger small business presence in the ghetto, or any other place that's poor, then it would become possible to take a huge bite out of poverty, along with its associated problems."

           "Wait a minute," says Phil.  "I want to back up a minute.  My dad, along with my ancestors, they got what they did for the reasons I just stated."

           "And I'm telling you that I have to take into account all other factors, and not just moral fiber," says Bahama.

           "So you're saying that morals and values are unimportant," says Phil.

           "I didn't say that," says Bahama.  "I said values are only a part of the equation."

           "So we can agree that moral fiber is an important factor when it comes to eliminating poverty?" says Phil.

           "I've been saying that all along," says Bahama. "Yes we can."

           "Excellent," says Phil.  He rubs his hands together impishly.  "You said you also wanted to talk about small business, as in a small business presence in poor communities.  Do you mean like Harlem?"

           "Not just Harlem, Phil," says Bahama.  "There are numerous communities across this country, places with a strong Irish presence, mind you, that can't afford many of the things that guys like you and I take for granted."

           "That's because of the taxes," says Phil.  "If you would only cut taxes then we can have all the small businesses we want."

           "Actually, Phil, there are several reasons why it is hard to start a small business, and whenever taxes are cut, usually only the richest people and largest businesses get the tax cuts."

           "I deserve a tax cut because I earned it," says Phil.

           "Okay, so let's just say I'll focus on large businesses then?" says Bahama.

           Agreed," says Phil, "but when a large business moves into town, like Wal-Mart, then that means jobs.  Many jobs for anyone who wants to work, so there's no excuse for people to be on welfare."

           "Phil, those are temporary, low paying jobs," says Bahama.  "Do you have any idea what the turnover is for people who work at those places?  If we want to do something about poverty then we have to nip it in the bud."

           "That's what I'm saying," says Phil.

           "Yes, but you're saying we should cut taxes on the big players like Wal-Mart," says Bahama.  "I'm talking about increasing the opportunity for people with a skill to own and operate their own business."

           "Just cut their taxes and you'll have plenty of them," says Phil.

           "Phil, the reason why it is so hard to operate a small business in this country is because the government is quite hostile to small business," says Bahama.  "Sometimes, it requires an attorney to start and operate one.  There are a myriad of statutes and regulations at the federal, state, and local level.  It practically requires a full-time compliance officer just to keep up with them.  Most small businessmen do not have the time or the money to do so."

           "So what do you suggest?" says Phil.

           "Phil, if I had my way I would streamline the entire process," says Bahama.

           "Streamline how?" says Phil.

           "For one thing, I wished I could make the IRS require small business owners to file taxes only once, instead of four times a year, stop fining people for paying too much in taxes, or paying too early," says Bahama.

           "Okay," says Phil.  "That would be good."

           "Here's another idea," says Bahama.  "I would like to make all interested parties, from the federal government down to the owners, sit down, and hash out a bunch of stipulations.  Agreements that would have to be ratified by all interested parties, and not that top down crap we already have too much of.  I would like what is best for America.  I would like to use my position to enforce this, and get the parties to draw up and sign a written contract.  That way, small businessman could have a fighting chance.  Pay one tax to one the IRS, and let the IRS allocate to the other taxing authorities.  And please stop fining the little guys tens of thousands of dollars just because he made an honest mistake.  This is a free country, so let's start acting like one.  If our government became more small business friendly, we would all be better off.  When a small businessman survives; society benefits as a whole."

           "Benefits how?" says Phil.

           "Like a lower violent street crime rate, less drug abuse and addiction, higher home ownership, and several other benefits," says Bahama.

           "Good neighborhoods exist because of their moral fiber," says Bahama.  "You know--the collective moral fiber."

           "Phil, you have to look at all the available data," says Bahama.  "Not only that, but you have the evidence in front of you if you ever looked. Neighborhoods need to have moral fiber, but they also need to have opportunities.  Both are necessary.  Anyplace that is lacking in either one of these fundamentals happens to be run down. That is why urban ghettos are always crime ridden."

           "I'll have to look at that sometime," says Phil. "You have all these great ideas. If your ideas are so great then what's stopping you?"

           "Both chambers of Congress," says Bahama, "the Federal Reserve, and the United States Supreme Court.  Remember, they shot down everything F.D.R. did over his first hundred days."

           "I already know that," says Phil.

           "You probably also know that F.D.R. was the first president in history to go four years without making one appointment to the U.S. Supreme Court?" says Bahama.

           "Yes I did," says Phil.

           "Did you also know that besides the speeches he made that he was actually a do-nothing president for his first term?" says Bahama.

           "I do, but what's your point exactly?" says Phil

           "Phil, I don't run this country," says Bahama. "The guys I just listed do. The point about F.D.R. is he wanted to pack the U.S. Supreme Court after they found everything he accomplished unconstitutional.  The only problem was Congress wasn't going to let him.  His own party, Phil, ran Congress, and they didn't even care if he got reelected."

           "That's the first time anyone has ever put it to me like that," says Phil.  "We'll be right back after this break, people."

 ***

             "Welcome back, people.  This is Phil O'Hare, along with President Bahama, and this is the most watched program on television.  We were just talking about poverty, its causes, and some of its solutions.  We, I mean I, want to get right down to the nitty gritty.  Would you consider yourself to be the most liberal president we've ever had?"

           "No," says Bahama.

           "Do you consider yourself to be one of the most liberal?" says Phil.

           "I would like to think so, but no," Bahama.

           "Not even a little?" says Phil.

           "Not at all," says Bahama.

           "Why did you say I would like to think so, but no?" says Phil.

           "When I was first elected, I thought I could be the next Lyndon Baines Johnson; however, once I got a couple of months into the first term--."

           "Sort of like the first one hundred days," says Phil.

           "Yes," says Bahama.  "I started to realize why ideology doesn't work."

           "What's wrong with ideology?" says Phil.

           "Ideology is theory; pragmatism is experience," says Bahama.

           "So what you're saying is--."

           "What I'm saying is since I'm the C.E.O. of this country I cannot try to serve only one group of people," says Bahama.

           "That would be good," says Phil

           "Or even some groups of people," says Bahama. "I have to serve the best interests of the nation, and its people."

           "I guess I'm glad to hear that," says Phil. "If you're not the most liberal president, then who would you say is?"

           "Probably Nixon," says Bahama.

           "Nixon?" says Phil.  "Really?"

           "Think about it," says Bahama.  "He established the E.P.A.  He never abolished the NLRB, much to the dismay of the big business conservatives."

           "Like you said a few minutes ago, he couldn't have run the country, and Congress was under the domination of the Democrats," says Phil.  "They were probably going to impeach him, although it would have been for something that wasn't such a big deal."

           "Watergate was a big deal, but I'm not going to waste time on it," says Bahama.  "Remember that Reagan had Congress for a few years, and George W. Bush had Congress for roughly six years, at least he had the House for that, and none of those guys so much as given the NLRB a slight shave, so none of our presidents are what you would call a liberal, or a conservative.  To find that, you would have to go back to the time between Hoover and Coolidge, and you can see what serving only certain groups while ignoring the good of the national whole will get you."

           "I agree with that," says Phil.  "I might not agree with your exact positions on many of the issues, but I will agree with the part about doing what is best for America.  People, I'm sorry but we're running out of time.  President Bahama, it's been a pleasure."

           "Thank you, Phil," says Bahama.

           "So long, and remember we are the most watched program because we deliver both sides of the story, in a fair and balanced way. The way the news is supposed to be delivered.  Not like the way the liberal biased media delivers it.  So long people, and thanks for making us the number one network on television."

THE END